Archive for October, 2009

Gotta Love the Public Library

Posted: October 16, 2009 in Uncategorized

I’m at the public library just finished half-assing some flashcards I’m going to study from for my Geography midterm. There are a lot of different people that go to their public library, especially here in Southern California. I was looking at the section where all the mainstream DVDs were- you know, the kind that aren’t very popular, and if they are, they were only popular for a little while. Not too many epic films here. I always try to find one of my favorite movies here: I Heart Huckabees. It’s never here however I always check to see if it’s here when I come visit. You don’t go to a library, I realize. You visit it. Just as you would at a hospital when your family member is sick. You only go to the hospital when something happens to you. You only go the library when you need to take care of some business such as returning a late ass book or when you need to. I don’t NEED to come here, not today. I came to study, but got tired of it. Hey, my exam is on Wednesday and it is only Friday. Anyway, I should be doing more important things than blogging, but what CAN I do? I’m a loser, if you really want to know the truth. Nothing to be proud of, exept my somewhat consistent attendance in school. I’ve been oing to school every year since I was three, and I probably won’t stop until I receive a Masters in something, probably in the year 20…16?

Anyway, The DVD section had all kinds of people: Middle-aged Latina women, Caucasian men in their late 80s, just random aggregations of people of every race and every age, it was beuatiful; to see them all come together at the DVD section of this library. I want to know how to spell check my blogs because I haven’t been looking at what I’ve been writing- not very often anyway. People here are cool. No bully is going to punk you around in a library, bullies probably don’t even know what a library is, let alone how to pronounce it (not “Lie, Barry.”

Anyway, you know what REALLY annoys me? People who carry around hand sanitizers and wipes wherever they go or something. At the library, there’s always a douchebag (sp?) who wipes down the keyboard and mouse before they log on. One lady, I swear, put on a pair of those lunch lady-type gloves (the transparent ones made of seran wrap looking plastic). It made me feel lower than a human being. I felt insulted even though I never touched THAT computer. Maybe she just easily gets sick. If so, why is she going to go to a PUBLIC LIBRARY for goodness sake? I don’t give a damn about germs. Okay, I’m not going to lick a sick person’s TONGUE or anything, but come on. I’ve been on a bus before and how am I going to get sick every time I go on a bus? I bet people who use hand sanitizers probably also shop online because they’re scared to see people touch their money or something. I don’t know, but annoying people are just about everywhere these days. We’re all annoying sometimes though, we just never realize it. I mean, a lot of people probably thought I was annoying; the same people that one day cut me off of their lives.

The point is that the library is almost always there for you. It doesn’t shun you down because you’re a “weirdo” or discriminate against what you ethnicity is. If I’ve LEARNED anything from this place it is to accept some of the differences in this world. People are pretty much the same as me, they probably think the same and me and shit (for example, I want people to care about me and to feel all approachable, and so do most people). It’s just I get too picky, and only want certain types of people to talk to me, like pretty women, or people I know pretty well and shit, or non-annoying people. But you know what? There are going to be people, ANNOYING people that are going to try and feel wanted, and they do it LOUDER than I do, so they’re just OBVIOUSLY annoying as opposed to me being annoying in a SUBTLE way. My positive is I don’t go around telling people how great I am and all the exciting shit that has happened to me, which is what generally annoying people do. I bet they’re full of shit too.

Not much exciting shit has happened to me. I went to El Salvador twice- once when I was 3 and once when I was 14. I used to keep a dream journal until I got tired of it. Uh… I’ve never had a nosebleed in my whole life… My brother put braces on me. I can’t think of extraordinary shit that will excite other people. I can be full of shit if I wanted to, but I’m a bad liar because I’d never be able to come up with believable shit. Lying on purpose makes my mouth feel funny.

I always felt like an amazing ass person or special or something. But come to think about it, if I was so special I’d probably have a girlfriend or a job or a lot of friends and a dad that isn’t such a jerk and scrooge with his money.

I’m getting too personal here and the Power Elite are probably reading all this junk what with fancy radar or something so I’ll have to end it here. Remember to visit your local library whenever you can, and GO TO IT whenever you NEED TO.


Some girls at my school are all dressing like they have good taste in clothes or something. I don’t have style & I’m in NO position to say which way to dress is teh correct way to dress, but it’s weird how they dress. They make their hair all wavy or straight. They wear really tight tights that are worn with some type of boots. They wear scarves and winter boots during the summer sometimes. Part of me wants to tell them that they aren’t being very original since there are a l ot of people going around dressing like that, maybe.

I can’t deal with women sometimes. I’m not claiming their inferior or anything, I just want them to like me. It’s weird how often I find myself imagining myself going out with some chick. It’s probably never going to happen either. Idoubt there’s a woman out there who’d want to be with me anyway, I don’t “get” them. I always assume they’re going to stay cool with me and be my friend, but even THAT doesn’t happen anymore. Maybe I’m being to needy or picky or something. I just want to feel all wanted, tired of writing lots of pages in my journal when I could be telling people these things in person. Except they don’t care enough to act like I exist.
I guess my problem is that I’ve been through NOTHING except people who act like they’re going to talk to me and shit but they never do. It makes me feel like an ass, and you know what? I’m not the type of person who’s going to re-register a facebook account to look at what those people are up to. I guess I used to be, but I realized it didn’t work either way. Girls are mean though, and the worst part is they don’t show it directly. They just do little things that add up or something. Don’t get me wrong, their sweet and everything, but they can be cold sometimes, especially when they just go ahead and cut you off of their life. Maybe I just don’t fit in with their lifestyle, but still, they could at least talk to me right, sometimes at least?
I think the thing with women is that they don’t ever want to offend anyone, but the thing they don’t get is that saying nothing hurts even more. Not writing back is worse than writing mean things because it shows that they acknowledge your very existance. So if you’re a woman and you’ve stoppped telling people what your problem is, don’t be afraid to. Men, in my opinion, need to feel important, or like we exist and who knows, maybe everyone feels that way. At least I do though.
Text messages just make it worse. There’s this girl who said that she’d let me know when she had time to talk to me. I can’t keep texting her “So do you have time to talk this week?” It makes me sound all desperate when all I want to do is talk to her for goodness sake. I get her little clue though, well not really. If she doesn’t want to talk to me, I rather her be blunt about it. And if she does, she shouldn’t say something like ‘I’ll let you know.’ it’s practically a direct message, but still. She’ll never text anything, but I shouldn’t say that because it might come true. I’m not going to text that bitch. I can’t believe I still fall for it. We get all carried away when people pretend to care. It’s funny how many times I lower my expectations and then I go right beack to hoping like a fool and stuff.

I’ll just wait and see, but I’m ion doubt and I hate being in doubt because it reminds me of all those self-fulfilling prophecies. Damn you, CMCs!!!