Archive for November, 2009

Women that try to look pretty

Posted: November 30, 2009 in Uncategorized

I want to learn Swedish.

There are some women who try to look all pretty by tweaking things here and there, It doesn’t really work because we always take a second look. You can’t just tweak things here and there. Sometimes your personality has to match up with what you look like. I think we are all better off acting and dressing our age. There’s always some chick who tries to dress all hot but you know they are not, at least not in that way.

Listen: There are some women at or around my current age (19) who do this:

Short ones: They cut their hair really short and straighten it. They then proceed to think it is okay to wear some 10 dollar dress everyday and shit, or something cute or something. Well it AIN’T! It’s not cute, it is actually annoying. What’s worse is when you act all quiet like when we all know you’re conceited to the people you want to be conceited to and kind and luvey duveyish to the people you want to be luvey duvey ish to. It just ain’t right!

Light skinned ish ones: There’s no point in dying your hair if your face is just going to look the same. And you don’t have to wear fancy ish clothes to look all hot or something. Here is how we men judge a woman for who she is (more or less):

#1 Face

#2 Body

#3 Personality

It may be different for different men in terms of which is valued more but we look at these 3 areas to find out if you are attractive or not.

I don’t know what females find attractive. Probably confident guys or some garbage like that. Or something about symmetry or a strong jaw amirite?

Who knows I’ll probably google this. One thing that Wendy Williams said that was true was: The bigger the hair, the smaller the hips. I am beginning to notice that a lot of bigger women now are doing all kinds of shit to their hair to make it seem bigger. I like some thick women. It depends on their face too though; some thick women are better off a little thick and if I saw them get skinny it would look all weird.

Have you ever seen a fat guy you know from school get all skinny or something? It looks really weird. Kind of zombie like or something; kind of hard to describe

If there’s anything you should take from the shit that I wrote today, it is this: Some people look different than they should and it’s pretty obvious. When you see someone wearing trendy clothes, you are going to assume they are trying to be someone who they are not, okay? When you see a guy wearing some deuschebag looking shirt with skulls or guitars everywhere (esp Ed Hardy shit) he does not know how to dress. If I could afford to, I’d stick w/ the basics and dress like every real man in the 1950s dressed, black OR white: Properly.

I feel like a fucking monster sometimes. It’s not correct. Counselors at my CCC will not help me and there is no one to talk to about this. I don’t think they think it’s a problem because I’m so calm about it. I haven’t told anyone that has taken it seriously. I tell God all the time, but like I said, it’s a FEELING, not part of who I am, I think. I don’t want to hurt anyone nor do I want people to think I want to hurt them. I was ignored many times throughout today. Now I regret ever doing that to someone else. How could I, I think.

I just want to be recognized. I feel like amonster sometimes when I am around women or men who act like jerks to get attention. I am filled with ruthless blood in my veins when I feel different or unwanted almost. I’m delusional about it too. I think I want to feel this way and I do it by coming up with a reason to feel this way. I don’t know who to turn to besides these stupid blogs that no one but my government reads. They only read this shit to make sure no one overthrows IT. NOT because they give a fuck about what I am going through, or other people are going through.

Sometimes, like now, I feel like I can do 2o pullups when I know I can only do like 6 or 7. I feel like these blogs prevent me from doing shit I shouldn’t be doing, like thinking and planning shit I shouldn’t do. Pretty women make me feel this way, when people ignore me I feel this way. When people brag about shit (useless whit) I feel this way. I feel this way when something isn’t the way I wish it would be. I can not be myself when I am awake anymore. Who knows if I know who I am, but I feel like a loser or something. A strong one at best. I don’t care what happens to anyone when I feel this way, cold blooded.

Wh knows if anyone besides God/ other spirits are reading this. I just want my fucking society to not be so damn crazy about shit that doesn’t matter. My blood starts to boil when I think of shit like that. Shit like people fucking up, being selfish although I can be at times. I just want people to agree on most shit- shit that’s important. I love my country and everyone really, but I can’t stand them other days and I do not understand. People are my everything. They should be yours too. But the world isn’t this way and I don’t think it will ever change unless I do something huge or something. It would make me a lot less angry and a lot more un-angry. I don’t know if I should be happy, I don’t care about …or do I? I’m writing this shit because I care about how I feel right? Then I can’t say I don’t care whether I am happy or not. I guess I DO want to be happy. I don’t want to smile and shit. I just want to be okay with life, you get me?

Have you ever been okay with everything? A day or two where you had nothing to worry about or something, after you finished a big problem? I know one will probably come right after, but it is a good feeling for nothing to be wrong withlife in general. I just want to be this way, and for all of us to be this way.

There’s probably not enough time in the world to move all the continents back together and learn each other’s name and story. So I doubt the way we see world peace is the way it should’ve been.

What I can do to make the world a better place is to drive all of the Negative Demons out of me. I wrote so I could feel less conflicted and I guess it works but sooner or later I will feel this way again. And what should I do if there is no paper, television or computer? I should remember what kind of Creator created me. He’s never angry (right?) and he will never make fun of me because I feel or look a certain way. He will understand what I am going through and comfrt me.

I am beginning to realize I should try and be like him and that is what He/ She probably means by being a child of God. I should just drop everything and try to see where people are coming from and figure out how I can help them I want to stay this way. I really do, God. I really do.

Sorry for everything bad I have done and every bad thing I will do. I do it our of hopelessness and I WILL try to mend that situation.

Thank You for everything.

Dew Dew Dew Dewwwwww

Posted: November 21, 2009 in Uncategorized

So I’m at the pubic library and boy does it smell like piss where I am located. I’m supposed to work on my personal statement and show Sergio my old Counseling 20 instructor. This smell is so bad it makes my head hurt. Old piss smells like not good. WAY more guys use the library than women do. I wonder why. None of them aren’t even looking at pr0n, mostly just e-mailing and facebooking junk. Anyway, I have yet to get over the people in my life who have made me felt like nothing, even though it could’ve just been an accident or something. I’m sure someone’s pissed off somewhere about something I’ve done to them, probably. I want to take out my anger on fucking bullshit like the fact that I haven’t started my personal statement that is due in one week. FUCK! How do I even begin to start it? Brainstorming: School, Problems in the family….

That’s all I got. Everyone has this shit and sure it’s sad but so what? What does the world want ME to do about it. I want to go to a good school like Berkeley or UCLA, but I also want to live in a hick like place, or a small university like UC Merced, which is a lot less prestigious than any of the above mentioned. Ugh. I just want to go to a school that will have a good Sociology program okay?

Why do I hate people so much?!

Posted: November 18, 2009 in Uncategorized

I don’t hate people, I just hate life and I blame other people for it unfairly. It ain’t there fault! I feel all stressed out and shit! I want to hammer a hole in a wall because people make things confusing n shit. I have an exam tomorrow. I have a project due soon also. I feel all mind busted or something, irritated. I feel like a fucking MANIAC because people use people again an dagain and again until preety much we all end up getting used. I hate how people I once thought were cool are just lame and too self conscious to give a damn about anyone else! Am I self-conscious? Yes. Do I give a damn about other people? Kind of!

I just don’t get it. I don’t give a fuck if you read these posts or not, you shuld tell me if you DO THOUGH! I want to just be happy about shit, not be all slef-conscious!!