Before I get into the meat of my idea or something, I want to write about a question I asked the internet. In the google box I typed “how to make someone like you.” The website I clicked on said that I should first think about what would make ME like a person. In general, I want a friend/ person to be non-judgemental. I want them to put their egos and insecurities away and not judge me on silly shit, first and foremost. I never let ppl know I’m judging, which may not exactly be a good thing, but people are sensitive. You have to be a accepting person for them and give them a chance (when they are talking to you).
Second, I want someone who will not be too aligned with their gender’s personality. This means, I don’t want a friend that hides their emotions, be they a boy or a girl. I also want them to know I don’t care how they feel, and that they deserve to feel however they want. It’s okay for them to be mad, even though they shouldn’t. I think they should be angry, but they should know why. I get angry inside a lot, but I know inside that it’s just me being delusional. Feelings are the most honest things we have inside of us, and I just don’t like it when I guy is sad, there’s always some insecure bullweasel telling him to stop being a pussy, or when a girl whines, another person tells them not to be such a bitch. I admit, it can get annoying when a girl acts desperate for attention. Scratch that. I think being whiny needs to be not done. That’s about it. A non-mean person will do just fine. A lot of people are nice actually, and if they’re not nice to you they’re probably nice to other people.
TEXTING: It sucks for me. It’s such a superficial way to communicate with someone. It makes me feel like a robot when I have to text. No one wants to call another person anymore to have a telephonic conversation, it’s too funny and true. If a person were to call me just to talk, I’d be thinking What’s going on? Why are they talking to me like a human being ona phone? What do they want? So I have to text them and it ain’t fun. My cell phone is from 2004 and it takes like 2 minutes just to type in one sentence. Not only that, it takes me two minutes just to think of WHAT to write! So in the end, the message I sent it about three sentences long, which is EXTREMELY long in the art of texting. Not only that, I put the questions in the BEGINNING and then the comment, meaning they might only think of the comment and not reply, when I expected a response!
Anyway, I almost always (especially with women) get a response that somehow is only three to four words long; it makes me feel desperate or something when I don’t even have to be. I’m getting to my rainstorm part now.
For all of this week it has rained, except for today. The storm has cleared, beautifully, I might add. I guess you have to take a look at wet, rainy days to see the brightness and beauty of a sunny day. Maybe I’m being a lil bitch when I say that but who cares?
I’ve learned that people are hard to confide in, and I’m not being all that delusional. But it all depends on your expectations. If you’re like me, and have extremely high expectations for other people to be relied upon, then you will be very hurt because that person may not know how much they are hurting you, & if they did, they probably would act differently, if they genuinely cared about you. It’s hard to find the right friend or soul-ish companion. And maybe I have a point, well most of the time.
If you’re like me, you have to learn to handle that shit, and correct your hopes for other people. People fuck up all the time, whether it’s their fault or not. I can’t blame them for being such assholes when they don’t know any better. If they can’t learn to appreciate me, or you, than make sure you don’t blame it on yourself. I’ve been ignored by people I thought liked what kind of person I was. And I’ve learned that there’s just something fucking wrong with them. If it was my fault, they would’ve said something to me, but they never kept in touch. The worst thing you can do is to not communicate back with someone when they expect you to communicate back.
The most fucked up part of my reality is that people just suck at communicating with each other, and we’re too scared of hurting other people’s feelings. But the shitty part is we’re not scared of hurting them, we mostly just don’t want others to think of us as mean. I just want to be more open and not be such a hypocrite when it comes to talking to people.
Am I a complicated person? I think so, but I think everyone is. If a person seems simple, they’re probably just more complicated because they don’t show you who they really are. The funny thing is the people I think are simple are positive or something. But I have a strange feeling people are pretty complex every single one of us. We do shit to people that we don’t want people to do to us. All we want is to be happy, but we’re so mean sometimes it’s no wonder we’re angry with the world. Maybe I’m the meanest motherfucker around. But I hope I can get over my trust issues one day. Just don’t blame yourself when people don’t want to be around you for stupid reasons. And if it ain’t a stupid reason, ask them. And if they don’t tell you why, they are scared and shit and it just gets harder to explain.
Look at me acting like I know shit about people. I know almost nothing. All I know about us is that happy is pretty good and being comfortable with people is a good feeling as well.
I’m glad I could talk to someone I can feel comfortable talking to. Another goal of mine is to put the past aside and not be so paranoid sometimes.