TRUST

Posted: January 7, 2010 in Uncategorized

I can’t trust people for shit, especially other women. This is due to past events in my life that have led me to believe that women want me to make mistakes or some shit, I know- irrational right?

Today some girl told me that it was Combination not permutation, but it WAS permutation because order was implied; nPr, not nCr. That lowered what I got on a quiz. See, it all makes sense. You think this is just a coincidence? That all of the ppl who left me for dead was because they flipped a fucking coin? All of em did this because there’s something fucking wrong with me, damn it. There are no warning signs; scary people won’t tell you shit because you would never be nice enough to ask, shithead.

Because of this I can’t possibly imagine myself in a relationship. Not only do I think the woman will dump me/ break the shit out of my heart, but they wouldn’t like me to begin with! Therefore, the belief that I’ll never find anyone will only increase possibility of me never falling in love. Why the fuck to I have to fall in love anyway? So I could forget about everyone else in this world? So I could escape the problems for some chick who makes me feel special? I’m starting to get my destiny- to just say fuck off to everyone that comes into my life and that has ever known me and just stay friends w/ the ppl I trust more or less.

It’s just who I am now- a fucking fiend on the inside, and I must match this on the outside via physical exercise and inside again via mental strength. I know I’m forgetting spiritual/ emotional but I can’t just lower my guard, at least not yet. I just can’t.

To be honest, even if some chick liked me I wouldn’t like her back.I don’t drive or a have a job. I go to school and try to get swole every other day, which I learned depends on the emotional aspect, which okay, should be something that I work on. But how? I can’t NOT be myself! Would if I could, but can’t. I just suck at lying that much, whether lying to myself and or others, which are the one in the same I guess.

THE BEAST IS COLOUR BROWN WITH YELLOW CLAWS AND DARK HAIR, KIND OF LIKE A HORSE, BUT MORE LIKE A SWAMP BATTLEGUARD BUT WITH USELESS LOOKING WINGS. THOSE WINGS ARE CRAZY THOUGH. THE BEAST IS ABOUT 89 FEET HIGH AND DOES NOT WEIGH ANYTHING BECAUSE THAT MEANS HIS FORCE IS COMPARED TO OTHER EARTHLY THINGS. HE IS FROM SOME OTHER PLACE, A PLACE WHERE NO ONE CAN GO TO OR EVEN LOOK FOR. HE LIKE SOME SONGS THAT MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE AN BEAST, OR LYRICS THAT MAKE HIM BIGGER THAN OTHERS, HE HAS HORNS AND AN EVIL ROARRRRRR. IT’S MORE LIKE A “GROAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH”- REALLY ROUGHY THROAT IN HIS VOICE. HE HAS BROTHERS FROM WHEREVER HE WAS, AND THEY ALL CAME FROM ROCKS TIRED OF BEING ROCKS AND AIR THAT WAS TIRED OF BEING AIR AND ICY WATER THAT WAS TIRED OF BEING ICY WATER.

HIS BROTHERS AREN’T HIS BIG OR LITTLE BROTHERS. THEY ARE JUST HIS BROTHERS OF SAME EXACT CONCEPTION BUT HE IS SUPERIOR TO HIS BROTHERS. THEY DON’T KNOW IT BUT HE IS; HE KNOWS THIS. THEY THINK THEY ARE EQUAL/ MORE OR LESS WITH THE SAME FUERZA.

HE HAS NO NAME BECAUSE HE DOESN’T NEED TO BE IDENTIFIED OR CALLED OUT. GOD HAS A NAME FOR HIM, BUT BECAUSE GOD ISN’T SCARED OF HIM. GOD KNOWS HE MEANS NO HARM BUT SHIT HAPPENS TO THINGS WHEN WRONG THINGS HAPPEN, WRONG THINGS NOT IN THE HANDS OF GOD, BUT THAT OF EVIL PEOPLE AND SHIT.

THE BEAST HAS A GREAT BIG CHEST AND BACK WITH FOREARMS THE SIZE OF 4 BIG ASS SCHOOL BUSES PARKED IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER. HIS BACK IS THE SIZE OF ALL LAND ON NORTH AMERICA. HE IS RESISTANT TO A LOT OF SHIT, BUT NOT ALL THINGS. HE AINT PREFECT. PERFECT IS WHAT HE THINKS HE IS, BUT KNOWS OTHERS THINK/ KNOW HE AINT. THATS WHAT’S SO DANGEROUS ABOUT HIM. HIS VIEW OF GOD IS THAT OF A PEASANT TO A KING, EVEN HIGHER THAN THAT. HE RESPECTS GOD BUT CAN NOT HEAR HIM ENOUGH TO LISTEN.

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