Not sure what to title

Posted: January 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

I sometimes wish I had a girlfriend or a wife or something. Part of it is just t o be aromantic person to her. Yesterday or the day before yesterday, I watched it rain. I imagined the most beautiful woman in the world with one shoe; the other had just fallen in the storm drain. Someone I knew of or an aquaintance, you know? I’d imagine her smiling stupidly, meaning “Fuck my life” or something or “I’m in need of help.”

She would need help to get indoors somwhere and cross the street across a giant-ish puddle with myserious location of ground level. I would tell her to hold my USA umbrella and would pick her up in my arms and walk her across the puddle. It used to sound more romantic a day ago, but it just sounds boring now. I wish it would come true, but the odds are stacked against me. I have a better chance losing the lottery than winning it.

I miss someone that I guess used to be my friend. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met and from the moment I saw her I knew we’d become friends.

And I see it raining outside. I wonder where she might be. Could she be in this town? Does she want to see me too? Or does she dislike me or something? I wish I knew the answers to these question, and what happened to Jean Bennette Ramsey. Only God knows these types of things.

God? Why won’t you tell me? I guess I have to think about it for a second. If you DID tell me, what would that do? It would give that poor girl justice, but it couldn’t bring her back from the dead and into the world. And I can never know if my former friend who I miss hates me or wishes we never met, or why she never replies to me.

Our lives are full of, I call ’em, wonderings.

And I don’t think knowing, or filling in the blanks will do much. I pray to see her again, but because I am selfish in the context of this situation.
I should be praying for me to accept things; I have trouble accepting shit (well shit that I should accept).

I don’t know if I have the faith to say this, but I’ll go ahead:

“God Bless Your Soul”


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