Anyway…

Posted: April 12, 2010 in Uncategorized

So it’s weird being alive and stuff, especially when you don’t have much friends. All you end up doing is thinking or talking to a few family members. I think in a negative way but usually don’t get a long with negative people like myself.

I like talking with people who are down to talk from their heart, and try to be positive. I know how hard it can be to stop being pissed at the world; take yesterday for example: I felt mad at the world. Keeping a journal is very important to me, I learn to not be so angry; reading the Bible helps too, random verses. I’ve learned that there are people who don’t let big things get to them, so why should I let little things get to me?

I can only do so much in this world. I can complain all I want, but I think all it is is seeing anxiety in people when they can’t reach goals that they probably don’t want anyway.

People are the world to me. Even when I hate everyone, I still am not that into myself to say I never care. I do care, but I’m not a very affectionate person. Being affectionate means being brave for me. Talking to people and telling them nice things is scary for me because I feel they might tell me I’m creepy.

Everyone needs each other though. Have you ever gotten a genuine compliment or had someone help you through a hard time? We all need to feel this way. When people don’t they get angry or feel left out, which for me would think that’s when people start doing stupid shit.

Stupid shit to escape or let anger out. Things like Partying, drugs, plastic surgery, spending money on useless shit. Not everyone does it, but I think the people that DO do it are missing something bigger.

My mother is a very negative but a very selfless person. She is pretty funny and works very hard. She does not do anything to escape (I think) but sometimes I feel bad because she never has the chance to escape.

If my mother, having all the tasks she has, still moves on, then why can’t you. I want her to be happy. I want to live my life impressing the right people: My mom & family, God, all of my teachers, a good society.

Maybe some people out there want to impress their family and good friends, but are thrown in many different directions. I feel bad because the media may tell people what good goals are: spending money on expensive cars. I think the media doesn’t care if people are happy, they just want to sell stuff and earn money.

I don’t want people to impress strangers on the street; most of the time they don’t care about your looks unless it was from negative attention. So if I had any genuine advice it would be to live for the humanity that matters. I care probably somewhat of my looks, worry about talking like a loser, or being socially awkward. However my family doesn’t care what I look like, neither does my best friend God.

God just wants me and you to be truly happy, that’s why He always tells me not to judge other, since it can get in the way of loving them. And the thing I love most about God is that He is so understanding; he says that it is very hard to not judgem, but that I must be strong because all of that conflict in me that I put up with, to be positive is hard but the rewards are beyond words when you are not upset and you feel well and well with society.

So I’m going to delete my last post, to pay homage to many people and I’m sorry for judging people in my head. It’s just hard not since I have almost no one else to talk to besides few people who I love. I wish I can love more people but I have the feeling they want me to go away.

sigh…

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