Archive for June, 2010

June 27th

Posted: June 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

It’s hard to talk to a group of people you don’t want to talk to. You feel pressured and scared; you feel like you’re better than them and that they’re better than you. It’s hard to jump into a group that you don’t want to be a part of but you feel lonely without.

I rather be alone and miserable than being someone I’m not- a drinker, dranker, breath-be-stankers.

I hate making new friends and all this expected bullshit. I expect to make new friends on this trip and shit, but not when I’m ready.

Fuck alcohol; for me it’s the epitomy of trying to be someone you aren’t to transform some aspect of your life that yu aren’t oky with. You start with control over the booze and it ends up controlling you. I feel too American sitting and this fine resort and shit. It’s like you wanna shout out bullshit and most people in the world but you realize these are faulty assumptions based on two different perpectives that engage in two entirely different behaviors, bias and subjectivity take over, and you’re left anxious, a ideology established to hise judgements I have against other people, people I used to hate because they were soo happy, but that’s just it.

Who am I to take away their happiness, whether or not it’s the kind of shit I do/ choose not to do. Let them do whatever the fuck I want. Chris was right; I can’t change anyone unless I’m willing to make a change within myself.

I met a Mayan dude today; Jaime, talked to him in English and Spanish. He speaks Mayan too; which I want to learn lot now. It’s all good though; patches of my identity I must fight, I must conquer.


Serenity prayer might seem lame or cliché but it is a very good piece of writing:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Sometimes unfortunate shit happens and there’s just nothing you can do to change it. Losing something or someone, an office closing down, your poor health if triggered by something genetic.

You just have to accept those things, and you should not assume everything horrible in the world should be accepted though…

My face

Posted: June 19, 2010 in Uncategorized

I lost like … 174-149= 25 lbs over the past year or so. I thought I’d feel better about myself and shit, but not really; I feel even worse. Everyone’s all like “You lost a lot of weight; you look skinny; are you eating all right?” Yes bitch I eat the same shit I used to except fast food and soda.

Anyway, now my face looks all skinny. I saw my graduation photos and I look like a meth addict or something; a zombie for crying out loud. I wanted to look bulky and shit, so I could keep my fat face. How do I get a fat face? I want a fat face.

So I should start a strength training program, but I get scared of hurting myself or making weird faces. I quit my gym membership though…

Hmmm. I think weighted pullups would help, as well as weighted everything else. I need one of those metal balls with the grip thingy… are they kettleballs? I’m not sure…

I don’t want to look skinny. I rather look fat but not obese. Like a football player.

Then again…

I shouldn’t give a fuck. It really works and doesn’t require as much effort.

I want to first start out and say I have faith in God, and there is often doubt and thoughts that He has forsaken me, but my faith and trust in Him will always triumph.

Anyhow, I want Pokemon Gameboy game creators to listen to my shit. I think Pokemon revolves too much on the contest and leveling up aspect, and it should put more emphasis on player’s freedoms.

One should be allowed to tattoo or brand their Pokemon, instead of giving them an ID number.

Pokemon shouldn’t have eggs; most of them are mammals and should require live births and or abortions. How is Miltank and Ditto gonna make an Egg, huh?

There should be Pokemon hospitals like the ones in the show. And there should be a plot twist where team rocket takes over these hospitals and steals the Pokémon you put in or charges you to heal them- or even both!

Pokemon should eventually die, and or look older.

The protagonist should start out as 9 years old and mature one year for every three hours of game play. He or she should be able to go through PUBERTY and many other inevitable life crises like capitalism and therefore obesity.

And how the fuck do the Pokemon and protagonist survive without eating or drinking water the whole time?? We don’t HAVE to give them potions or berries you know; I usually just make them faint when I’m too greedy to spend my yen on max potions etc. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Pokemon should evolve when they want to. I like the affection evolution concept. There are many trainers out there who just want bad ass Pokémon and treat em like shit. Why? Because they wanna feel powerful. I’m all for feeling powerful w/ a Dragonite and a Metagross in my party, but not in the expense of these guys.

There should be a part where the main character has to take LSD before he can catch a trippy ass Pokémon in a trippy ass cave that is really just some gigantic cardboard box in an alley.

I should get to see the Dittos and Jynx’s making love as well as the live birth. I should also be able to let THEM name their kid- not me.

Put more Nuggets and Rare Candy’s in the game (I don’t use cheats).

There should be a homeless Pokemon, a prostitute pokemon, a self conscious pokemon, and a there should also be a chance that the baby pokemon have deformities.

Breeding pokemon should require tests for HIV and or STDs such as gonorrhea.

The game corner should just be called a casino and should have games like blackjack, poker, and that wheel where no one wins (NOT referring to roulette either.

We should know where this protagonist’s dad is. Did he walk out? Did he die? Was there a divorce prior to the young kid’s Pokemon adventure??

I should get to have a career. I would personally be one of the Elite Four, or the creepy figure that you eventually MEET as the champ.

go back to Vs. Seeker, and make THEM come to YOU.

Sell Pizza that one could literally TASTE AND SMELL from the screen. I still have no idea why human beings haven’t invented this shit yet.

Pokemon should be able to have affordable healthcare. Why not spend 800 yen on a vaccination that prevents poisoning rather than all those full heals/ unnecessary full restores????

That’s just the beginning…

To all the women out therr

Posted: June 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

You go ahead and do whatever the fuck you want. Don’t depend on us guys to dominate you, etc. You can do so much more than you think you can. The only thing you can’t do that involves a man is have your egg fertilized.

Basically, don’t think you’re a no one if some guy isn’t interested; this is just another method of us men trying to control you whichever way we want. It’s just one of those “Control or Be Controlled” thingies that YOU don’t have to put up with.

You do WHATEVER you want, as long as it won’t hurt anyone. And I don’t mean the “hurt” that a guy will say you did to him just so he can get a fuck- a means of control.


So stressed out

Posted: June 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

I thought plane tickets would cost 500 to AND from Belize/ MX but that shit is gonna cost

!@%& 1257 dollars! My dad didin’t even wanna pay 400!

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK so stressed out, because if I don’t go to Belize the school I go to is probably gonna charge me all that money they offered with the scholarship; ugh my word…

Fuck being poor… people start to come after you, but we’l see; I sent my school’s office the situation…

When I’m down or mad…

Posted: June 7, 2010 in Uncategorized

I feel like I shouldn’t feel that way. That feeling you get where you think everyone hates you and that you hate them too. It’s paranoia though, but it remains in your system like crack.

It’s hard to be positive when your mind seemingly chooses not to. I want to feel positive, won’t that help? My mind feels like it has this umbrella of worry, anger and negativity shrouded my gray and black clouds- with red mist swirling around as if I had an evil mind.

When you want to feel a different feeling you end up thinking too much. I think way too fucking much.

But this system sucks. My ass is coming after CEOs, lobbyists, Senators, etc. with a fucking brute force that they’ve never witnessed before. I have a feeling everyone BUT them hates capitalism.

Sure we as a nation wouldn’t be as rich if we lowered the level on this corporation based society. But we as people suffer from what this shit does- it pulls us apart, makes us get mad at the wrong people, is a basis for inequality. And I AM gonna do something about it; just you watch, punks.


I guess when I’m down i just bask in my negative brainial environment until something cool happens. I just hate money so much; it’s always just about money in this country. Life is so much more than that. God rather us love each other and not stress so much. Maybe this system IS doomed one day. But for the better…

& I think about all the times in the future that I may be rejected for my race- shit I can’t even determine, symbols for what? You can’t determine SHIT from race. You can’t HATE someone because they’re skin is a darker shade than people with power. FUCk this. Racism won’t be over for a while. But I’m not gonna let this shit get to me. Being a minority in this racist ass country will only make me stronger, more determined and passionate to make everyone’s life not suck anymore.

Take that you racist pieces of shit that conveniently run my fucking country. FUCK ALL Y’ALL. BEcause I live in a world where meaningless shit means something- my race, my last name, my lack of assets. This culture sees me and any other minority as a criminal, a fuck up, a drug addict, a dumbass. Based on shit that has nothing to do with intelligence. These stereotypes are based off of fears of a weak few with a long history of power that will soon- SOON- deteriorate. This I promise.