Faith; Pokemon should add brutal shit to their games…

Posted: June 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

I want to first start out and say I have faith in God, and there is often doubt and thoughts that He has forsaken me, but my faith and trust in Him will always triumph.

Anyhow, I want Pokemon Gameboy game creators to listen to my shit. I think Pokemon revolves too much on the contest and leveling up aspect, and it should put more emphasis on player’s freedoms.

One should be allowed to tattoo or brand their Pokemon, instead of giving them an ID number.

Pokemon shouldn’t have eggs; most of them are mammals and should require live births and or abortions. How is Miltank and Ditto gonna make an Egg, huh?

There should be Pokemon hospitals like the ones in the show. And there should be a plot twist where team rocket takes over these hospitals and steals the Pokémon you put in or charges you to heal them- or even both!

Pokemon should eventually die, and or look older.

The protagonist should start out as 9 years old and mature one year for every three hours of game play. He or she should be able to go through PUBERTY and many other inevitable life crises like capitalism and therefore obesity.

And how the fuck do the Pokemon and protagonist survive without eating or drinking water the whole time?? We don’t HAVE to give them potions or berries you know; I usually just make them faint when I’m too greedy to spend my yen on max potions etc. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Pokemon should evolve when they want to. I like the affection evolution concept. There are many trainers out there who just want bad ass Pokémon and treat em like shit. Why? Because they wanna feel powerful. I’m all for feeling powerful w/ a Dragonite and a Metagross in my party, but not in the expense of these guys.

There should be a part where the main character has to take LSD before he can catch a trippy ass Pokémon in a trippy ass cave that is really just some gigantic cardboard box in an alley.

I should get to see the Dittos and Jynx’s making love as well as the live birth. I should also be able to let THEM name their kid- not me.

Put more Nuggets and Rare Candy’s in the game (I don’t use cheats).

There should be a homeless Pokemon, a prostitute pokemon, a self conscious pokemon, and a there should also be a chance that the baby pokemon have deformities.

Breeding pokemon should require tests for HIV and or STDs such as gonorrhea.

The game corner should just be called a casino and should have games like blackjack, poker, and that wheel where no one wins (NOT referring to roulette either.

We should know where this protagonist’s dad is. Did he walk out? Did he die? Was there a divorce prior to the young kid’s Pokemon adventure??

I should get to have a career. I would personally be one of the Elite Four, or the creepy figure that you eventually MEET as the champ.

go back to Vs. Seeker, and make THEM come to YOU.

Sell Pizza that one could literally TASTE AND SMELL from the screen. I still have no idea why human beings haven’t invented this shit yet.

Pokemon should be able to have affordable healthcare. Why not spend 800 yen on a vaccination that prevents poisoning rather than all those full heals/ unnecessary full restores????

That’s just the beginning…

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