hot women; old facebooks notes copied

Posted: August 11, 2010 in Uncategorized

Beautiful womn scare me, I have no job or car and therefore I feel unworthy and sometimes I wonde if i am sabotaging myself by doing these things. I feel like I am sometimes. I should really work on getting my license/ learning how to drive.

But anyway, I have no intention of asking a girl out until i have my license and MAYBE a job. I tell ppl you know I just want to focus on my degree and shit but it’s sort of a lie because i DO want someone to love me and vice versa.

to be honest, idk whether i want to ever fall in love or not. I’m too used to not n i lik being friends with ppl and even if some woman willing to be with me WERE with me; I hate the idea of her CHANGING me and all and my mom would dissaprove because she worries so much and I’m always going to be her baby (cuz I’m the youngest). And I hate ditching ppl or flaking out and ppl dont invite me, but if they DO they’d probably hate how I’d always be with the chick.

So I’m staying how I am for now, although I really SHOULD get a license, if not for her for my family, esp. my mom who could use a driver.

Because I refuse to buy a laptop for now, I have no choice but to ride my bike to local libraries to use the internet and to work on school papers. That being said, there is ironically a lot of incredible ppl & shit that goes on here, esp.on Saturday mornings.

Everytime I go to one and see interesting stuff happen, or that has happened, I’ll write it down right here.

– There’s an edlerly lady that still hates herself for not knowing how the internet works. She wrestles with the mouse and keyboard a lot and touches the screen a lot, but she can’t really touch her grandkids on a computer like in real life. I want to go to an elderly people’s nursing home and volunteer there. I wish I had my camera right now…

– One time, there was this blind guy with a dog who came in, and he was doing clicking sounds, because that helped him find his way, and some duchebag sitting at a computer asked, what the hell are you clicking for; stop it. Both I and this guy got offended and told the security gurad, a guy in his late 50s that he was being mean to him, which he was. and there was an argument/ lesson about how they should apologize and respect each other’s ways.

-There was this one guy, I’m not going to judge, but his behavior was strange. He was very thin and had reddish orangeish hair, and he might’ve been insane. Most of the time he was sniffing a sharpie, tagging his pants with it and playing two notes of his harmonica; he was watching some kind of mini DVD player and wore skin tight pants that were kind of glossy and lokoed like snakeskin… He was being really anti-library quiet and one of the security women with short hair asked him if everything was okay. I thought his voice would be raspy and Southern, but it was very much just a regular voice, which was the funny part. He got mad though and after three times that this lady went up to him for his random noises, he jammed all his junk in his backpack, NOISILY MIND YOU, and he even left with anger… It was distracting even though I wasn’t studying or anything…

Also, allow me to save you ten dollars in ten seconds. Don’t bother seeing the film Inception. It gets too confusing and it’s hard to tell if it’s real life or dreams and in my opinion that sucks. I don’t know if I was sleepy cuz of old flights or because of that movie. Ellen Paige was supposedly some dream architect but she didn’t do much in the movie except stand there; i think they hired her just to get more ppl to go to see this pretty horrible ass movie. At least wait until it comes out on redbox; they’re only like 1 dollar a day to rent; you can go to your local supermarket like Albertsons/ 7 eleven and get it there, but be warned: They’ll charge you a late fee of one dollar for everyday you don’t put it back, so if you rent two movies and wait a week to return them, then it costs 16 dollars, which defeats the purpose of Redbox.

You owe me ten dollars now

—–

Some people have a lack of respect. I get that some people in this culture are are for resistance and rebellion and shit, but there are just a shitload of people in this place with a lack of respect for other people’s quite time. Libraries become cafeterias, movie theaters become talk shows, universities become high schools- it’s annoying for the people who want to focus on their goals.

You want to just slap people out of it, but you feel guilty because you want them to learn on their own, and that you yourself have qulaities that upset other people.

But there are people out there who get annoyed very easily, and they’re not even mean, and they deserve respect and peace and quiet. People that don’t WANT to feel relieved once disrespectful people leave a building.

Another thing about rude people- there is no racial category to who is or who isn’t loud, likes to talk a lot. I know PLENTY of outspoken, talkative, loud voiced people and they cross all cultures, races, etc.; so do quiet people. The worst part is a lot of people hear a loud voice, look who it’s coming from and then create a file with some color on it, and do wome weird superficial shit with this kind of mentality.

Peace and quite, War and loudness, they have their proper places, be they somewhere or nowhere.
——

Life is fair if you get choices, if you get an equal chance given you have equal potential. If you don’t get equal shots, a variety of choices, then you should go ahead and do shit about it. I feel like my life, as myself, is fair because I have choices, but that is because I am very priveleged in the sense that I don’t want much. I think we should all have more choices, healthier choices at least there.

I know that in my personal life, it may turn out sucky, but this would only because I made the wrong choices in life, in diet, in friends, etc. I have plentu of choices and anything wrongthat happens is my fault it seems.

But some shit’s bound to happen and if I don’t get choices, I should probably demand more shit. And if I should lose someone very close to my heart, like a family member or very close friend, that will hurt me yes, that will break my heart everyday yes, make my life suck even more, yes.

But it was beyond my control, our control and all I can do now is appreciate that these people are safe now and let them know I care about them very much and hold on as much as I can now.

That is all, my friends.
———

I get scared of beautiful women a lot. Not my beautiful women friends, but stranger kinds. And it is hard to talk to them or hard to converse with them when we ARE talking. It’s very strange; I get very nervous and unsure of myself. It’s pretty awkward sometimes…

———-
If you want to go donating blood with me in September just ask, because then I’ll know I didn’t pressure you into it.
———
I’m not very sure WHY it is I belive in God. Do I need a reason to? Maybe so, but I love God with all my heart and I’m sorry for hurting you God; I could be trying a lot harder to get close to all of Your Children and Christ because I don’t too much. I feel like I’m living off the land too much and not contributing as much as I should, or loving as much as I should.

I appreciate everything you do for me. That Latin America trip was a great experience and I want to thank my oldest sister for pushing me to go; I’m glad she did. And thank you for allwoing me to get into a very good school. A lot of ppl tell me it’s because of me and no one else, but that’s not complteley true. I had faith in you and I bet my mommy prayed I would go to a good school.

I also want to THANK YOU for giving me a good family. I like how they trust what decisions I make in terms of career/ school/ transportation choice and when they don’t tell me what to do unless they are looking out for my safety. I should learn how to drivbe to help my mom more.

Anyway, I hope to keep living a life for you first before anyone else and that I won’t F up or anything. F stands for fool. I won’t FOOL up.
thank you for everything, God.

-John
—-

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