This guilt is getting redundant…

Posted: September 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

It’s just weird how powerful this evil inside of me is, but it just isn’t me, and its presence makes me so guilty.

I just want to be myself out loud, but it’s been hard at this new school and somehow this shock has translated into judgment. Or has it? Is this evil part of me tricking me into thinking I think everyone else is inferior/ superior??

I’m not sure, but it has been very hard to talk to people here. On one hand, I am very intimidated, but on the other I know that these are ppl that are just like me and have seen a lot and lived through a lot they shouldn’t have seen or lived through.

Why is it that I just can’t muster the ballz to go up to people here? Maybe I just don’t know what methods to use. I should look into a lot of the clubs offered here; they would help. What time is archery?? IS it now?? Is it nearby?? Let me see. It’d be over by the time I get there. so I think Friday or Saturday’d be a better time.
It’s just I feel like I’m too pressured to talk to a pretty girl, which to be honest I don’t want to even do. I just want people to talk to often and to get to know. And I guess they are everywhere I just lack the good rhythm and junk.

What does the internet have to say about my dilemma?

One article said that you need self-confidence. It also said that timing is everything and a smile could make a major impact. I understand how these may work, but it just feels so awkward and never-gonna-happen-ish. Like that feeling you get when you have homework but you just can’t get yourself to do it. It said how it should be light at first and not too personal, but I LOVE too personal. I don’t enjoy talking about light things too much. Because I guess I don’t have much hobbies. Most of my time is spent either eating, reading and writing, sleeping, and lifting (which I haven’t even been keeping up with…)

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