What I learned today

Posted: October 1, 2010 in Uncategorized

I want to be a happy person.

I learned that I’m not a team player/ team-oriented person; I’m a lone-wolf.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m actually okay with being a loner, except for the negativity. I just don’t like making one thing my whole life because I get all antsy whenever I see people in general.

It’s weird being with a group of guys. Divisions in tasks and personalities begin and left are a group of bosses and their subjects. I just can’t comply with authoritative figures, especially when they’re my age and act like assholes. But maybe that’s just how some guys are with one another.

But the thing is, with lifting weights is that if I do it alone or angry, when I leave the Satan in me comes out and my perception of people changes and it’s not right to see God’s kids like that you know? They shouldn’t be seen as tiny people that will suffer at the hands of my wrath, or however my mind may think.

So I want to come up with a plan or checklist that will help me out with my goals, but I have to talk to someone about it. I guess I have a lot of homework and junk, but I’ll save that for tomorrow morning.

Those powerlifters are pretty stupid not stretching. I got it for the bench press but for squats and deads? They really should stretch. But they’re good. The fault is mine.

On my trip to Belize, I learned that my initial judgments of people are never right. And therefore it takes time for me to fall in love with people. I love every single person from my study abroad group with a passion.

Anyway, I don’t know about this whole powerlifting business. I mean i like it and all, but those guys are such assholes, keeping that kid’s phone and not telling him they had it when he was looking for it. That kid trusted you. I just think testosterone gets the best of us guys and I’m glad I learned to be aware of how I feel. I need to go back to that tank. That was probably the greatest lesson I have ever learned. To not just feel but to know how I feel. Feelings skew my perception of reality and sometimes its best to zoom out.

So I’m going to wait until they mass email their workout program or just go it alone, but what I really want to do is find a buddy to lift with. Just ONE. One person face to face will never act like a jerk, unless they’re just plain putrid. I think that just happens with groups. I just can’t deal with groups unless it’s with that group I went to Latin America with.

I need to stop being such a chicken. I need to be brave and talk to people. And I shouldn’t judge the powerlifting team. I DO realize that groups have their own affiliate languages and that when entering not knowing it is common to feel like an outsider AKA me. Small groups are soothing and what I am comfortable with. This confuses me because on IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME they said it is important to step outside your comfort zone.

Inhale Exhale. I may have that disorder. I just might. But I know that ones I get a rhythym to it I’ll be good! Hooray for goal setting!!


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