THE TENSION IS KILLING ME

Posted: October 11, 2010 in Uncategorized

The most horrible facet in my life is this angst or uncertainty I feel within myself. My life has always been absolutely perfect, but I suck! I feel this thought machine in my brain generation all this ‘gghuuueeeuueeghhh” ness inside me and it tampers with my day.

It feels like swallowing a hard bean. You know you’ll be fine but what if it does something. But it’s not the bean that’s making you crazy it’s you that’s making you go crazy.

this financial situation is making me, well a lot of people, go crazy. I do not have enough money to pay for this whole dorm shit. and the housing department is really vague when it deals with consequences and that kind of shit makes my mind mind drive me absolutely INSANE!!!

Please remit payment within the next seven (7) days by 7 a.m. from the date of this notice to avoid further action.

I don’t want to apply for that parent loan; my parents (my mom) can’t afford this shit and my dad is to greedy to admit that he can! So wtf??

And I guess it IS my fault for requesting housing when more or less I know I can’t afford education but like… who CAN?

Anyway, I have seven days to avoid further action/ get my check in the mail so I’ll worry about it then. BUT I REALLY WILL THIS TIME!

Anyway, I need to stop being scared for now. I also need to just set goals with my body and not care so much about looking a certain way. I hate that I haven’t learned this shit still. I’ve come to that conclusion. I just haven’t lived by it; you know what I mean?

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