And I don’t tell them they are.
Today there was a girl who dressed like she wanted to be pretty. I don’t know if she was; her clothes was fashiony’ I didn’t know which other words to use.
There is a pretty girl in my Sociology 101 discussion who has a deep voice. I forget her name. She looks like she is from Boston or New York; LOOKS like.
Girls only date bad boys, John. You’re not a bad boy. That’s not true. Girls also date boys that they can use. Well, that wouldn’t apply to me either I suppose.
I like writing in a blog and a journal because that way no one will tell me to shut up or it won’t make me feel inferior because I feel inferior when I find myself looking for someone to talk to.
Have you ever heard of Erving Goffman; ever since I started reading that book of his, everyone looks like they have a costume on and props with them. Is that a good thing? I think it can be more than it can’t. I don’t know WHEN, but I am going to go to a dance club and wear fancyISH clothing and… um.. well… play that role and believe it too.
A lot of girls in this library are looking at other girls’ facenook pictures.
I need to exercise more. Remember when I used to exercise? I do. I looked at myself more than I do now. Pullups are fun; maybe I should do some. I need to get my music back- I really miss my music, especially my earphones… I miss when I got letters. I wish I can write letters to people but like I said I feel inferior and I feel like other people hate me. I’m fat and useless.
I don’t know why I even right that…
Good things about me:
– I like to talk and listen to people
-I am more or less an honest and respectful person
– I try to go against the rules if the rules are worse than going against them
– I like my education and learning about the world/ different cultures.
-I at least try to catch myself when I jusge people by their appearance
This makes me think about the time when I had a therapist and how one time he told me to write things I liked about myself and then things I didn’t like. I remember he also made me this written thing. I just wish I could be happy. I should be happy; I have so much to be happy about. I wish… I’m not sure. I hear you have to be careful with what you wish for and all of this is kinda coming from the top of my head…
I wish… I wish… I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself. I wish my perception of how others percieve me was a lot nicer. I think people hate me but that’s not true because if someone I loved wrote that I would think they are lying.
I want to not be scared. Being scared is scary and no one should have to feel less than they really are. Maybe a lot of girls think that way, and maybe a lot of boys take advantage of them to get more power or something. That’s not okay.
If I ever fell in loved with a girl with low self-esteem that was pretty; I would tell her I am a lucky and grateful person. Why would I make her feel like the lucky one? How could I lie to such a beautiful person; on the inside on the outside. I hope one day I fall in love with a beautiful woman with low self-esteem. Maybe we can help each other out and learn new things.
I wish I had a trillion dollars so I could help people out; not machines.