Archive for November, 2010

Girls just want to feel pretty

Posted: November 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

And I don’t tell them they are.

Today there was a girl who dressed like she wanted to be pretty. I don’t know if she was; her clothes was fashiony’ I didn’t know which other words to use.

There is a pretty girl in my Sociology 101 discussion who has a deep voice. I forget her name. She looks like she is from Boston or New York; LOOKS like.

Girls only date bad boys, John. You’re not a bad boy. That’s not true. Girls also date boys that they can use. Well, that wouldn’t apply to me either I suppose.

I like writing in a blog and a journal because that way no one will tell me to shut up or it won’t make me feel inferior because I feel inferior when I find myself looking for someone to talk to.

Have you ever heard of Erving Goffman; ever since I started reading that book of his, everyone looks like they have a costume on and props with them. Is that a good thing? I think it can be more than it can’t. I don’t know WHEN, but I am going to go to a dance club and wear fancyISH clothing and… um.. well… play that role and believe it too.

A lot of girls in this library are looking at other girls’ facenook pictures.

I need to exercise more. Remember when I used to exercise? I do. I looked at myself more than I do now. Pullups are fun; maybe I should do some. I need to get my music back- I really miss my music, especially my earphones… I miss when I got letters. I wish I can write letters to people but like I said I feel inferior and I feel like other people hate me. I’m fat and useless.

I don’t know why I even right that…

Good things about me:

– I like to talk and listen to people
-I am more or less an honest and respectful person
– I try to go against the rules if the rules are worse than going against them
– I like my education and learning about the world/ different cultures.
-I at least try to catch myself when I jusge people by their appearance

This makes me think about the time when I had a therapist and how one time he told me to write things I liked about myself and then things I didn’t like. I remember he also made me this written thing. I just wish I could be happy. I should be happy; I have so much to be happy about. I wish… I’m not sure. I hear you have to be careful with what you wish for and all of this is kinda coming from the top of my head…

I wish… I wish… I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself. I wish my perception of how others percieve me was a lot nicer. I think people hate me but that’s not true because if someone I loved wrote that I would think they are lying.

I want to not be scared. Being scared is scary and no one should have to feel less than they really are. Maybe a lot of girls think that way, and maybe a lot of boys take advantage of them to get more power or something. That’s not okay.

If I ever fell in loved with a girl with low self-esteem that was pretty; I would tell her I am a lucky and grateful person. Why would I make her feel like the lucky one? How could I lie to such a beautiful person; on the inside on the outside. I hope one day I fall in love with a beautiful woman with low self-esteem. Maybe we can help each other out and learn new things.

I wish I had a trillion dollars so I could help people out; not machines.


Posted: November 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

This entry is in reference to Michael Goodwin’s video on the loss of the freedom to fail

I write freedom with three E’s in memory of what freedom really is. Freedom means not worrying about who you are and what you believe in. Freedom is about making mistakes and about having the opportunity or ability to learn from it and not face the subjugation of ruminating in the past with guilt. It leaves no room for advancement and empowering oneself, which is the key and purpose of life and humanity.

The lenience and moral ineptitude that the government and it’s financial and political agendas set up may get in the way of our children, otherwise known as the future of this nation. The implications of the lack of challenge as well as financial limits to schools mean that children will soon no longer be able to think for themselves. Increased dependence of technology are beginning to implement passivity in the American public and one can only wonder what this means for freedom of expression and thought.

When I was a student in public school; I witnessed many children take standardized tests in which they would bubble in any answer and then put their head down, waiting for the instructor to collect their contribution to the school. The tests, as I understand now, measured the capabilities of the school, which shows that the individual needs of the child are not being given too much attention to. If this educational system doesn’t attempt to reward and encourage its younger students, then when it comes time for them to go to college, they will see no purpose in it. It is important to learn from failure, but when failure is not recognized and the student moves up in school, that is very detrimental to the schools and the children.

So in essence, we should be looking at ways for students to not only have a chance to make mistakes, which will motivate them to learn from these mistakes, but to also to address that they have made mistakes in the first place. Failure is not an option only when we know the repercussions of that failure. If we never have the freedom to fail, then success becomes a shadow of what it really should be.

What would make me a happy person?

Posted: November 29, 2010 in Uncategorized

My ultimate goal is to be a content and productive member of society, but when will that even happen?

What will make me feel happy? I do not know the answer, probably because most of the time it doesn’t work out. People do different things for different reasons that I can’t pinpoint. But you would think I know myself well enough to tell you what I want, or what it is that I like to do, or what I am good at.

I don’t know what I am good at still. I’m not even trying to be humble. Well kinda. Idk I’d feel weird saying I’m good at so and so… I also don’t want to sound like a hypocrite, cause I think there are expections to our character…

I guess I’m good at not going out of my way to get people to like me. Why? Because I just assume no one does. And if they did, I wouldn’t have to be anyone else but me. I hope you get what I mean. there’s no point in me buying expensive shit I don’t even need to impress people. I just need to eat, that’s what my money’s for… Looking good isn’t me. Goffman talks about how we have to believe the roles we’re in when we deal with other people. He was a sociologist too, but he did like person to person junk not too much like huge scale dealy-o’s

You really have to believe you’re confident if you want to be confident. I don’t know if that means you can trick yourself or not…

Some people look like they’re jerks. Have you ever had that happen to you? By first glance or two, it feels like you get a weird vibe from how people look. I’m going to google a group of people, and try to put it up on this blog, and then explain what I mean; hold on…

Okay; so the guy all the way on the left seems cool, maybe even misunderstood, and the girl towards the center looks very outgoing and not in the annoying way. But the guy at the middle throwing up his hands like that- he looks like a douche. He looks like he thinks he’s cool, but he really isn’t. Goffman also said the other people he deals with would have to believe his role for it to work.

Anyway, I need to communicate with people more and not care about little things like that. I miss people talking to em like I used to. I’m such a loner; what am I doing living here in a dorm…


Posted: November 29, 2010 in Uncategorized

FOIA Request Form

Please review the information you entered. Submit when finished. Click edit to return to the previous page.
Venice, California 90291
Nov 28, 2010

National Reconnaissance Office
Attention: FOIA Office
14675 Lee Road
Chantilly, VA 20151-1715

Dear FOIA Officer:

This is a request under the Freedom of Information Act.

I request that a copy of the following documents (or documents containing the following information) be provided to me:

I am very interested in information on E.B.E which stands for Extraterrestrial Biological Entity as christened by Dr. Vannevar Bush in the late 1940s, early 1950s; found amongst thr Roswell crash somewhere in the Western U.S. I am also interested in learning further details of EBE’s death in June of 1952 along with Dr. Mendoza’s research in EBE.

Also, I am interested in project SIGMA, which I understand was a further attempt by the U.S to continue its communications to space. I didn’t know whether to contact the NRO, the NSA, or the CIA, but I will keep trying. Thank you for your time.

In order to help to determine my status to assess fees, you should know that I am an individual seeking information for personal use.

The maximum U.S. dollar amount I am willing to pay for this request is $5. Please notify me if the fees will exceed $25.00 USD or the maximum dollar amount I entered.

I request a waiver of all fees for this request. Disclosure of the requested information to me is in the public interest because it is likely to contribute significantly to public understanding of the operations or activities of the government and is not primarily in my commercial interest.

Specific explanation for waiver of fees: I don’t know if I should be paying if it is free. I should be using my money for meals and college tuition as I am a low-income student. I guess I should pay, but I didn’t want to put such a low amount

If you have to charge me, I can pay five dollars or so. I don’t know how much it costs for certain files or databases to be found. I just wanted to take advantage of the FOIA since it does exist and everything. Thanks again

Thank you for your consideration of this request.


Mr. John M Castillo
Phone: (310) 8**-795*

Listening to The Supremes

Posted: November 18, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’m in the library and I want to jump n that bookshelf, connect this song to a loudspeaker, and dance the fuck out of this library, people reading and all:

“Set me free, why don’t cha babe
Get out my life, why don’t cha babe
‘Cause you don’t really love me
You just keep me hangin’ on
You don’t really need me
But you keep me hangin’ on

Why do you keep a coming around
Playing with my heart?
Why don’t you get out of my life
And let me make a new start?
Let me get over you
The way you’ve gotten over me

Set me free, why don’t cha babe
Let me be, why don’t cha babe
‘Cause you don’t really love me
You just keep me hangin’ on
Now you don’t really want me
You just keep me hangin’ on

You say although we broke up
You still wanna be just friends
But how can we still be friends
When seeing you only breaks my heart again
And there ain’t nothing I can do about it

Woo, set me free, why don’t cha babe
Woo, get out my life, why don’t cha babe
Set me free, why don’t cha babe
Get out my life, why don’t cha babe

You claim you still care for me
But your heart and soul needs to be free
Now that you’ve got your freedom
You wanna still hold on to me
You don’t want me for yourself
So let me find somebody else Hey!

Why don’t you be a man about it
And set me free
Now you don’t care a thing about me
You’re just using me
Go on, get out, get out of my life
And let me sleep at night
‘Cause you don’t really love me
You just keep me hangin’ on… ”

Imagine; they’d be trying to sush me or they’d just love it/ join in. It’s not like it’s…

FINALS WEEK! I just got the best idea ever…

It ain’t right

Posted: November 15, 2010 in Uncategorized

Racism and this whole array of different classes is all bullshit that makes me wanna cry sometimes.

You’ve got people thinking such a thing as inferior races exist, even eras where methodologies in scientific research were biased in order to persuade masses that there is a such thing as a superior race, when in reality race isn’t shit.

The goal of the Great Evil is to separate people into all these fucking categories, subcategories, sects, some EXTREMELY subtle. Think about it. Think about how many fuckin’ GROUPS of people. Sometimes I wait for the day were are divided to the point where we cannot relate to any other single person. I wait for this to feel right and to reverse this curse.

When you ahve so many distinctions of classes, then it’s hard to get a notion of who you controls everything, who can/ cannot be trusted. Our values slowly start transforming and deviating from one another. You’ve got Christianity, but zoom in a little: you’ve got all these sects from Methodists, to Evanglists, from Baptists to Anabaptists and so on. Even within ‘races’ there is a level of differences and discrimination.

So how can we possibly ‘unite as a people’ when we can’t even have equality with our equal physical attributes? We must realize that we are divided into two distinct groups, but they are not good and Evil. I say this because the Evil belive the Evil are Evil. And the Good will never admit to it’s Evils. So even if you DID narrow it down to two- owners and their subjects, both will justify their goodness with whatever bullshit they have.

So the two groups are people who control and the people that are controlled. And the point of me studying SOCIOLOGY is because it is a TOOL for me to see what is necessary for social change, and the methods used by the powerful to accomplish change.

Racism is an example of these ideologies. And apparently some people are thrilled of the idea that they can publicize their ignorance and insecurities by freely and unanymously posting their racist remarks into the powerful institution of the media.

But don’t you see? It’s just getting worse. The objects are getting more divided and the powerful are beginning to become more integrated. You’ll see the North American Union, the already existing European, then the Asian, then the African. It’s all going to lump together. And we’ll be too busy separating, becoming weaker, and guess where they’ll be.

A girl needs to use a computer, so I’ll leave.

Well, she found another one…

Anyway, we’re not much different from each other. Well we are obviously a species with high variations since we frikkin LIVE ON 6 CONTINENTS. But our ways of life, our relationships, cultures and their respective values have much in common. And we have to realize that so are our struggles.


It makes sense. Not all the implications and functions of it, but the main idea is definitely going to happen.

You terrorize your own citizens through violence through a ‘3rd’ party until they do not mind having their rights and privacy taken over because it’s all in the name of ‘freedom’ and ‘saftey.’ It’s bullshit and it’s just worse how we are being controlled.

For the record, when I say controlled, I don’t mean brainwashed or numbed out via some nerve gases shooting out bus exhausts, or flouride in the taps. I just feel like my reality is centered so much on commercialism and the fact that everything I tend to run into or live by is part of a separate entity. That I am living a sort of life mold. You know what I mean? Evrything I use for everything is owned by either a politically enacted body or corporate bodies, and of course combinations of the two like banks and my education. From the news I get, to the toothbrush I use, to the music I listen to, from the food that I eat and water I drink, to the restrooms I use to the shoes I walk on.

I am really subjected to these interests and there comes a time or point where although we are dependednt of each other, one becomes more dependant; who can live without whom. Who has it worse, the one guy who doesn’t own a shoe for the corporations, or the corporations who are out one customer of shoes?

Don’t you see? Whatever name we give this entity, it is a product of some sick ass people going into this ideology that their superior and it’s not right. And they know we don’t care, that we don’t know that we are too afraid because they socialized us this way.

I know you are getting tired of this they. Just think about the top people of the spheres of Military, Politics, and Corporate control. And look at how they are all related to each other. Look at their agendas. You don’t have to call them the NEW WORLD ORDER or ILLUMINATI, etc. otherwise people won’t take you serious. It all dwindles down to the haves and have-nots, proletariat n bourgeoisie, and so on. The names we give them give them different labels.

Pretty much it’s the people that OWN machines, whether they can be seen machines or not. THE MACHINES ARE WHAT RULE THE WORLD AND THE OWNERS BY DEFINITION OWN THE WORLD MACHINE. THE MACHINE’S OUTPUT IS THE OWNERS OUTPUT. It means who ever owns the shit can control what comes out of it and the way you perceive all of it.

Like I said, ‘they’ own your food, water, electricity, clothes, education, news, music, time, money, land and its natural resources, the list goes on so I’ll call it necessities plus stuff.

You don’t OWN shit, you just by it. The point is that it is DISTRIBUTED to you every once in a while you keep it sure, but you don’t necessarily control the means of its production. Like your sandwich. You’re damn right you made that sandwhich, but who made the bread? Who ran the farms that killed that turkey, or that milked that cow? The government owned and subisidized farms. It’s the same governing and ruling bodies that run the banks, that are at the top at whatever organization you work for. Small businesses usually take out loans FROM THE BANKS.

There’s nothing NEW about this WORLD ORDER. The only thing that would change is it’s organization and degree of exploitation, kind of.

This is all speculation though, at least some of it is. I personally know I didn’t make that bread though. But anyway. should I become chipped, or SHIPPED, it will onl be after I’ve died from defending myself. And if all this one world order or bourgosie take over doesn’t exist anymore for whatever Holy reason, I’ll be glad, and then just live my life hanging out and contributing with my brothers and sisters AKA humanity and the world around me.

But until then, I’m keeping my eye out. And should force or global currencies/ identification be deemed reality, then I’ll just go ahead and stop it. Don’t ask me why or how I will do this because I honestly don’t know. Don’t worry though. A lot of people will help out you just have to learn BY YOUR OWN CURIOUS nature of who the true enemy is. You can’t rely too much on what’s on a screen because somebody owned that little kid who made it, and that same somebody or his distant relative controls the news.

So yeah I’ll take care of it should it happen don’t worry just don’t stop me though.