Been feeling like shit lately

Posted: November 3, 2010 in Uncategorized

I don’t know how to describe this gosh darn reality I’m in. I feel so disconnected from everyone! All the people on my floor love each other so much and I feel distant as a result! They all lived near each other last year and it sucks cuz now I have to actually infiltrate their inside jokes and shit; bullshit.

Anyway, it’s been strange. I feel like I have two lives or that I’m switching places with a twin. For some reason I feel like I live in two universes that look alike. I just feel like the me inside isn’t being very projected well. You know what I mean?? I wish I could trade blogs with someone my age who likes to write. I would love to read all about their lives in exchange for them reading about me.

I miss people replying to what I have to say. I miss feeling visible. I miss not hating myself or the situations I put myself in…

Have you ever felt like everyone hated you?? I think I’m such a psycho sometime, but I’m too lazy to get help. I don’t have insurance to my school so I would have to pretend I’m going to kill myself just to get to talk to them. Last school they rejected me. I’m so horrible!!

Anyway, at least I know God and my family loves me. So refreshing…

BUT STILL I FEEL LIKE A PINE CONE… Maybe it’s just paranoia or some kind of demon spirit…

I don’t need a break from human contact I need a break from wanting it. I am listening to a live version of Blue October’s “Somebody.” And the lead singer (Justin) said they were dropped one day and he was ‘all like like any other band we got all upset waa waa waaa do something about it and he said he did and came up with that song.’

I love that fucking song. It teaches me that anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just the way we deal with it. I think we need to use the anger to beat that anger right the fuck out of our souls and not try to put other people down or try to feel like we’re one level up.

So if I really AM being put down w/ everyone else, that’s their problem. I doubt they care anyway. I love this feeling. Too bad my chest is still sore, I’d of been doing so many pushups…

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