You’ll only want to do what you really want to do

Posted: December 22, 2010 in Uncategorized

If I really wanted to attract some kind of female I’ll have to follow certain rules- lets face it. Women like them some confident educated man or something. You obviously don’t have to BE that, you just have to project some kind of image. unfortunately many people have been manipulated into being attracted to exclusive looking people based on race, height and what not. I can’t ever be a black guy for a girl who wants me to be. I can’t be shorter or taller in a natural type of way, so there shouldnt be any reason why I would want to change myself for such selective, manipulated people.

I think before, I didn’t think I should change because people should like me for who I am, but that’s not necessarily going to happen/ should happen. A serial killer under arraignment isn’t going to tell the jury “Why can’t you just like me for who I am and let me go. Of course I murdered 80 people, but I’m not going to change, so TREAT me with dignity and acceptance. Of course that guy or girl is being herself and can’t really change what kind of person they are. But that doesn’t mean these actions are acceptable.

I hate myself and I wouldn’t blame a chick for picking some guy over me, especially if she is a remarkable person. Why wouldn’t I dislike her decision? Because I know she’s better off with someone who will make her happy. I know I wouldn’t want to be with a person that she didn’t like. She doesn’t deserve that if she is a remarkable person. And if she wasn’t, I honestly wouldn’t even like her in the first place or even be in that situation.

The point is, that if I want to live my life a certain way, I’ve got to take the necessary steps to do it. It doesn’t have to be perfect at all. But I can’t expect to get an A in a class where get Ds on the exams/ straight up don’t study.

Do I want to get to know strangers? I’m just not sure anymore. I think if I really did want to I would have done it already. It’s not necessary. Necessity is the mother of all inventions, or something. That means I don’t really want what I think I want. What I want is to just go with the flow in all actuality. Leave me alone, me and help me welcome in the New Year!

I don’t want to look pretty, I don’t want to have a mizansion. I don’t want to exploit or hurt anyone. I just want to feel important and good about myself, and I want everyone to be who they truely are deep down inside. That would be a beautiful world. I need to stop hating myself/ my life so much. Thinking any contradictory way is just askig for trouble. Your concious isn’t always going to be socially constructed. If you really look DEEP DEEP down inside you’ll learn to think for yourself, LEARN from yourself and look into your heart.

Looking into your heart is being realistic and finding a way to help as many people as you can in a given situation. This ivolves escaping the mass manipulation, alienation, segregation and other forms of control your imperfect and corrupted society has attacked you with your whole life. It’s not going to be easy, but if you really want it to happen, then I think it will.

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