I’m dreaming… of a White’s Christmaaasss…

Posted: December 25, 2010 in Uncategorized

You know you’re a white person on Christmas when:

-You have dinner sets especially made for Christmas

– Your stocking stuffers are equivalent to family like mine’s most significant GIFT

– You take family portraits with fancy digital imaging

– Not one speck of green can be seen on your tree- just lights or SILVER OR RED SHINY

– Everything is in a box. Not a bag, not in some original packaging that’s not shaped like a box. This is true.

– Christmas dinner where people are actually sitting at the table and not the couch.


– Holiday songs in the background

-Some kind of annual ceremony involving the youngest child or something

-This is a classic- leaving milk and cookies for Santa. I suspect this has been a strictly white family tradition for centuries.

– Some kind of argument or emotional eruption- and not the pretty kind.

-Some story of college days dealing with some underrated English-sounding city adjacent to Boston.

-Candles lit up without need for them.

-The white people house smell during Christmas. It’s like they have this stuff bottled; I don’t know what it is but it is.

-Some kind of trip on the van after present- opening.

-A family photograph with genuine smiles; bodies covered with the corniest Christmas sweaters ever manufactured in the history of China or knitted by Grandma. The 2nd is more common as one can account for the need of authenticity at every corner and at every holiday.

-A fireplace.

-Saying grace.

-A trip to the local town square where they gather ’round observing the locals- usually a class lower and either playing an instrument, dancing, singing, or doing all three at the same time, which is most common.


I don’t mean to offend or make claims of superiority/ inferiority. Just all in good humor. MERRY CHRISTMAS!


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