Archive for January, 2011

!! I lost my journal!!

Posted: January 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

It feels like if a girl’s hair got cut off somewhat! Now what do I do?! I guess I have to start a new one, but poor journal! So many good insights! So many personal secrets, wishes and dreams! I can only hope someone who finds it reads it and figures out how to get a hold of me, you know? I went in the classroom where I thought I found it, but there was a discussion section going on, which was weird because the lady in the front was just sitting there, and she looked like a random Mayan lady or something.

So I figured maybe I left it here by these compouters, but nothing. It seems like the law of attraction is doing it’s thing- but not in the good type of way.

Anyway, no matter what obstacles are hurled at me, I find a solution. Although there were pricless items written that I could never recall, I at least know it’s got to be somewhere. And maybe the guy or girl who is reading it learns something, maybe it changes their whole life, who knows. I just wish I could find it so I can finish it at least.

I won;t worry about it though, it wasn’t my BEST work.

Now I’m just going to wait and uhm scan some pages out of my soc 102 book. Yep!

Something isn’t right

Posted: January 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

There are terrible forces at work and I am the type of person who knowing about oppression, can’t feel comfortable around it. Neither can the powerful elite, they have had to come up with justification after justification after justification as to why they must be the ones to oppress and why they do it.

This world has gotten sick, and I feel that Someone wants us to be aware of teh systematic corruption in every nook and cranny of Creation. Don’t you see? Don’t you see changes won’t be made until not only enough people realize they’re in danger, but also the people who put this danger on them?

For us to realize what we’ve done we would have to go through a catastrophe so great to give us the knowledge that we’ve all messed up big time. Them for doing this to us, and me for not doing anything to stop it.

I don’t know whether or not crazy stuff will happen in 2012, but if the world doesn’t kill us, then the way we’re going about everything will.

A lot of what people believe the source of the problem isn’t the source at all; it is an extension, or an effect causing effect in disguise of a cause. Violence, money, Greed, etc aren’t what’s wrong. I can’t keep blaming people. I am learning that human beings aren;t responsible for their own demise; that there’s something inside of us that makes us this way, things dominating the decisions we make, the interests we have, the selfish we exercise on a regular basis.

It can’t be Bush’s fault, for he was born a baby with no horns. It isn’t terrorists who are blinded by ideologies not synchronized with their religion. It isn’t the voice in my head, because it didn’t exist before I was born.

Don’t you see? This strain we feel, the pain we feel and breed, and multiply? It has to go away! It does horrible things for us all!

The worst thing to do in a time like this is point blame at any person or group of people, since that is feeding this system of disconnection and soul-less competition. If I blame the guy in charge of the building, or the president, or questioning the public school system even, I am being diverted from the Power that be. This cruel and unusual force has no last name, has no office, no boardroom.

It lurks in the shadows, and is older than anyone we know. It has been here before the life of Christ, it has been here before human life. This pride has been given the name Satan, the deceiver, the fallen angel who persists today. But what does he represent? Is the evil being by his presence or by his action, which comes from thought, or his heart?

Understanding evil isn’t as important as understanding that I am a horrible person who needs to learn from my mistakes and fight this oppression internal and external to me.

I’m not doing well, and a lot of other people aren’t. I feel that the world will fail to see the light if we keep messing around and stopping people from their true hearts dreams, for they do not benefit financial interests. People want the thing that doesn’t have a price, which is God’s and one another’s Love. But how will these companies benefit off of this? How will this create jjobs or get the economy going? Our system can’t have love, happiness, or satisfaction if it wants to continue.

I don’t know what will come of all of this. But I hope it’s not too late for people to realize that there’s something wrong.

My problems are not as paramount as I thought they would be, for they resonate to the majority of others around me.

If I won the lottery, I would take care of my desires for shelter, food, and education, and to the people I care about. This is what I do now though, so what’s the point.

I rather people who have money that tortures their spirit to give; a win-win. I’ll be fine. I’m used to this force pushing down on me, for I have realized it exists within me and prevents me from exceeding my limits.

I can live with this pain, but not with other people having it. Now I understand Jesus’s crucifixion. His torture hurt more emotionally than physically, because what they were doing to him was torturing the past present and future.
Hopefully we can learn from history.

I’m feeling possessed

Posted: January 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

Okay so as of right now, I will run down to the dining hall, get my backpack, and run back up here to uhm… study for my soc m124 quiz and read for soc 180A

for the midterm multiple choice next week, I will uhm… choose this question, which sucks I have so much work to do, but anyway, no biggie!

Problems that come my way will die before me.


-124 studying
-180 Question
-180 Reading
-102 Reading

I’m scared

Posted: January 23, 2011 in Uncategorized

deleted for content


Posted: January 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

I don’t know if I’m qualified to say what life is all about or the human purpose in this world. I don’t think we were put here in this world to destroy it though.

Anyway, life can be strange because to me, life is a series of events that happens from the birth to death moments, respectively. And the time in between can be done to do a lot with this world, good or bad, or it can be done to do little or nothing. It’s not to say I despise people who do little or nothing. Because these people may have a lot of responsibilities like taking care of a lot of pets, or may be addicted to heroin or crack. So I shouldn’t judge people for what extent they’re contributing, because that’s a choice and that stuff needs to be respected, especially when it makes them happy and doesn’t bother a significant amount of people.

You see, I want to use my life as a tool or arena where I can get a lot of shit done for the sake of the world, which will go on once I die.

And this world has done so much to keep me alive. Food that grows on trees, my family that I love a lot, etc. The least I am can do is live my life to help support my family or continue to make them proud by graduating. Life is beautiful because you learn what really matters for you. And I think in spirit what we truly want manifests as something positive or helpful. Evil people don’t exist, they just come into being via manipulation or by choice. People are nice, I think the media or the law explains oh [people are crazy, on the news they show some story of some guy shooting his wife and kids, but they leave out that he was actually insane and the only way you would’ve known is if you looked his name up or something.

But people aren’t really mean, we just want to bond and unfortunately our culture says the only way to do so is to accept you’re some kind of loser and that you need to buy things to impress people or to look a way human beings don’t look so people appreciate you, which doesn’t make sense because I appreciate everyone at least on some level. You can’t ignore someone in real life like on commercials or something. Even when someone calls you and you don’t answer, at least you acknowledge their existence internally.

So life is strange because it’s easy to get caught up in all of this superficial rubbish, especially when I’ve been bathing in psychologically provoking ads non stop for 20 years or so. But going to school and having more media literacy has taught me what a beat down economic system we have and what lengths it must go to survive and support us, even if it means manipulating us to hate ourselves and buy things, or banks giving people money to buy shit when we don’t have it, which most of the time puts us into debt.

So I don’t blame people, unless they willingly do this to themselves to great extent. People who are aware and have strong feelings against the system who do are wrapped up in this bullshit need to wake up and it can be startling.

Okay so maybe I’m being mean here, but I just don’t want people to get screwed over for 20 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars of trying to find fulfillment in cars and fancy houses or 300 dollar shirts that have identical twins at the Goodwill for $6.29 or something.

Because you can do so much with 300 dollars. You can go to New York and meet people there and learn about their culture for a couple of nights or so. Or you can give some of that money to buy a homeless person a meal or two. You can buy groceries or make an arts and crafts project, something more productive than looking a certain way.

I’m not saying one’s appearance isn’t worth it, but to spend more money and time buying wigs or jeans or cars or electronics than you do on your food and great experiences is just shady and there are people barely trying to live man. At least do something productive with that money so it won’t go to waste, won;t go to the bourgeoisie.

All in all, my life will not just be for me, but for everyone I shall run into. I must be aware of whether or not my actions are selfless or selfish but not to an extreme. I think school has taught me that being productive is one of the greatest things you can do. Like me. I was kind of bored and decided to write this blog and maybe it changed the way you saw today or maybe it made you feel good about yourself or something.

Anyway I’m glad you read this if you did. And if you didn’t that’s okay too. I just write it so I can let things out and maybe be there for someone who just wants to read what other people have to say. Thank you.

I feel like shit

Posted: January 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

And no I don’t have a cold either. It’s just when you major in sociology you also major in learning pretty horrible stuff that makes you wanna say

Ignorance is bliss.

It’s gone too far, man. All this oppression and manipulation. Over what? Money?
It’s too depressing. Part of me just wants to go to dental school since this is a pretty good school for that. I feel like not going on because it makes me wanna vomit sometimes. Why make this a part of my life if it leaves me feeling alienated/ aware of it all? It’s a struggle at times but anyway, it’s better than living in a tiny bubble thingy…

I barely noticed this

Posted: January 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

Look at all the titles from my older blogs:

There’s something the hell wrong with me

I’m fucked

I’m a mess