Everything will come to pass

Posted: January 1, 2011 in Uncategorized

This year I feel befuddled so far. What does it have in store for me? Should I just enjoy the present and live in the moment?

I try so hard to make sense of everything and put it into some type of meaningful mystical context. Anyway, I want my retainer; where’s my retainer.

This year I will handle things a litte differently. Not completely different. The thing is, I try to interpret how people feel about me in such a negative light, that they wish to reject me. But the time has come to put all childish things away. There is no possible way I will ever know how someone feels about me unless it is said by them. iI must go about a different approach when it comes to interacting iwth human beings, as vulnerable and scared as I am.

But the things I understand about people, the objective things, are things I have failed to put into practice. Many people hate themselves, many people arevulnerable and just like me. and the others who love themselves are not enemies of mine, that keep me feeling low. It is I.

So the new route to take is to be aware of my uncertainty. To just let myself be. To not worry or fear the judgement, the foolishness to expect from random people. If I send this energy I cannot expect something different in return. It is important to not keep my expectations at a fixed and central level.

So all the world’s a stage and we are all actors. We have our costumes, our props- our status-markers. We feel it important to be classified with our identity through our way of dress, our associations, our activities of choice.

So who am I? What tools can I use to distinguish myself, or to categorize myself? My major? My clothing, my lifestyle, the music I listen to?

I am who I am because of the spirit, the gift given to me by God, the Highest, the Beginning, and the End. He is the wisest, so for him to put me in this family, in this body, and are of the world was for a reason. Of course it is up to me what to make of it. I cannot rely on just my external environment to define me; one must look inside.

So I say:

“Put down your toys and pick up your weapons- your guns, your swords. And follow me.
Project Killuminati 2011 has just begun. Step 1: eliminate all personal fear. Let go of anything out of your control, for it will rot your mind. Liberate yourself!”

The truth is that people rather you be honest to them. In every human is an immaterial spirit that triumphs this physical world. Every goal you have should be for your spiritual growth. That car out in your garage, your Blackberry that you seem to treat like a human being, these things will not go with you. The point is that the only thing worthy of an afterlife is that which has life. I don’t know if life is a time where we all try and make sense of the universe. My goal is to not be afraid, to be more social, to love people more.

The reason why things can be so awkward when I talk to other people is because of the way I perceive myself does not match up to how they perceive me. It never will but somehow I try and make a correlation.

The truth is, our real friends are people that love us for who we are. If I went up to someone and they rejected me, why should I be mad at myself? Why should I question my identity, and feel ashamed? I will be contradicting my own action. I should talk to people not for my own personal benefit, but to share worlds, to share ideas and to give them my support. To not elevate my personal worth, to not feel better about myself through testing my social skills and use them. I need to help people out, to learn from them and to grow with them. We are very special because we have the option of transcending our own environment and adapting to a new one, still with culture shock but nevertheless a new home.

You see, if I were to worry about me being rejected, I am thinking about MYSELF too much. This person rather not want me around, so they said no. It was not their intent to hurt me; not everything is about me. It’s about being there. Not everyone’s going to like you or want you around, ya know? It’s time to be there for people because love is a beautiful thing. To not bring your own spirit up but to do that for other people.

I can’t be happy. This is always going to be the case for me. I have all I need inside me to be happy. In spirit, we are happy beings already. There is no goal to become who we are, or how we are. Everything you feel now is manipulation by Satan. We create this evil world by our perceptions and the actions that follow.

I am already happy, but I failed to realize it, and it can never be restored. So I already go into this world knowing no matter what I seek: love, sex, alcohol and other harmful drugs, money, etc. I will always fail in my pursuits of a better life.

So it’s important for me to give. I was not put here to get, but have been manipulated by certain forces, however they will not remain victorious. We like to argue about how our sexuality, race, gender, etc. is not a choice, among other things. To these sets I do not know much about.

I DO know, in my heart, our goals are our choices. We are not born with them, however we can become tricked and lead astray to realize what we want to want isn’t what works well for us. I choose to be all that I can be, to give all that I can give, and I pray I can do that this year.

I will try to be honest, to go into a conversation to be a positive person and not benefit from anything. I will not go out of my way to impress people, or to feel important or wanted. People value honestly, sincerity, selflessness. I would feel hurt if I was used, lied to, or ridiculed. So I should stop doing these hurtful thing to others.

People deserve respect, love, freedom, and the truth. These are things that come along with our spirit, our heart. You can take all of someone’s possessions, their earphones, what have you. That person will still value these things, although they may take them for granted.

Regardless we as human beings share abstract values and attach concrete things to makie sense of the invisible. We show our love (abstract) with symbols of giving like hugs, kisses, gifts, and other noble acts. Our love cannot manifest in spirit although it would be pretty cool.

So I’ve learned through my own writings. I cannot have love for someone without showing, in actions and in words, how I feel about them. This is not to say if I get a bad vibe I will be honest and walk up to some guy or girl and say “Hey. No. This won’t work. You see there’s something wrong with you; I’m getting some weird vibe; you seem like a total douche or something.” That’s just mean, and no [civilized] person would ever do such a thing, but nevertheless is feared ” I don’t want to be judged.” No one judges as much as when we were little. No one is going to take the time out of THEIR day to tell you how messy your hair is or even that your backpack is open in some cases. We’re too anomic, too alienated in this type of society.

So, the best way for me to deal with things is to be honest, to have courage, and to have faith in the Lord. With these things, there is no malice, no torture. It is only when we apply goof values into an evil world that we begin to question who we are and whether we are good enough or not. Don’t rely on an imperfect profit driven society to tell you how to be. Look in your heart, realize what you don’t want and what you shouldn’t want and what it is you should want. Take the time to ask God for help. I don’t know what He’ll do for you exactly. I pray for strength, for courage that I can’t manifest on my own. I don’t know if I pray for money, but I pray for what I need the money for: to stay living in these dorms, to continue my education, to make a difference, and to live my purpose, which never dies.

So believe in your spirit. I will do the same and I will not worry about what people think about me. They’re nicer than I think, just misunderstood in a world like this.

Stay happy, stay healthy. If you want me to be there for you, I’m just a question away.

John

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