Posted: January 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

I saw this couple pretty much making out today during breakfast at the dining hall and boy was it a disgusting sight.

I wonder if I really am asexual. I don’t really mind either way. Of course I’m sexually attracted to women, it’s just I really can’t imagine doing such gross things to one; it seems kind of icky. And what for? I mean why have intercourse in the first place. As often as I can, I like to pull out quotes from other websites to see what other people have to see and give my opinion on their junk.

* Physical reasons such as to reduce stress (“It seemed like good exercise”), feel pleasure (“It’s exciting”), improve or expand experiences (“I was curious about sex”), and the physical desirability of their partner (“The person was a good dancer”).

WTF? The person was a good dancer? I’m sure for centuries people have been going through stress but I don’t know… Maybe I can agree, but still… I wonder why some people choose yoga or art or writing over sex sometimes. Anyway, it feels weird to just want to have sex so YOU can feel better.

* Goal-based reasons, including utilitarian or practical considerations (“I wanted to have a baby”), social status (“I wanted to be popular”) and revenge (“I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease”).

Ok this is probably some of the most diabolical shist I’ve ever heard. I guess I can understand the whole wanting to have a baby deal, but why the heck would you want to be popular in the first place? Your self-esteem too low? Having sex won’t do much. Your self esteem usually is up to you you know? I struggle with it all the time but I’ve learned that external people have nothing to do with how I see myself. And having sex with someone to give them a STD or worse AIDS is not something this website should have even discussed.

* Emotional reasons such as love and commitment (“I wanted to feel connected”) and expression (“I wanted to say ‘thank you'”).

This is why I would personally want to have intercourse. I think it’s SUPPOSED to be more of a spiritual thing than a physical one, although it can be hard to speak for everyone when I say that. I think it’s normal to want to reproduce with a hot chick you see walking by, but sexual intercourse I think involves a lot of passion or emotion and love for the other person or something, you know? It’s weird though because it doesn’t need that and a lot of people usually do it because of the pleasure aspect.

* Insecurity-based reasons, including self-esteem (“I wanted the attention”), a feeling of duty or pressure (“My partner kept insisting”) and to guard a mate (“I wanted to keep my partner from straying”).

You need to stand the fuck up and not give a fuck as long as you care about yourself you will attract people that will care about you. Of course this is why I tend to avoid relationships: I figure I’m fine as I am and if I WERE to be in one, it would only be to feel wanted or because there’s pressure to have a girlfriend to lose virginity or something. I’m good the way I am and I’d only want to fall in love with someone I really like overall.

Anyway, a lot of this sounds like I’m trying to impress you or whatever, and of course sometimes I DO have urges to fornicate or whatever, but the reality is that I know better and that I have to be careful with what I do, how I treat people.

I should treat them how I would like to be treated or something.



While we’re on the subject, it seems as though I’m unsure of the whole sex thingy in general or my motives for doing it. I mean I can’t say I’m asexual; it’s just I don’t want to do it for many reasons, and I think that had nothing to do with how sexually attracted to women I am.

You see, this day in age, it seems like sex is a huge ass deal or something to be associated with everything coming out of the media or something. There was this one Reebok commercial that showed a woman on a bed with a nice ass and nice legs the color was in black and white and I got somewhat excited, and I was all like, wtf why are they putting this stuff on air? I don’t think it’s on anymore though.

Anyway, the thing is, I’m a guy and I get attracted to nice tits, or a nice booty or a pretty face, but that doesn’t mean I disrespect women. It’s weird because sometimes I wish I wouldn’t see women that way, but I do and it just feels weird and out of my control; like I’ve been manipulated or something. It’s very strange.

So yeah, I have no interest in actually having sex with a girl, for the most part because I’m afraid of God as well as not wanting to make something really special some kind of pop culture ‘thing everyone’s doing.’ To be honest, I don’t want to do it and I don’t know when or even if I ever will. I like learning stuff, looking at things, spending time with people. And of course I get sexually charged at times or whatever, but I rather just do what I like everyday of my life.

Sex is weird because it’s just one of those universal things, even happens with animals. Some people think sex is something you should do whenever/ people really open and confident and stuff when it comes to sex.

And some people hate the idea of people doing it and say it’s bad it’s a sin and you’re going to hell if you have sex unless you do it to have a baby and it better not feel good or you better hurt yourself after or some exaggerated stuff.

And some people just aren’t sure; like me. You see I’m obsessed with questioning thinsg and I’ve become so used to it I have no trouble admitting that I know nothing because I just can’t know stuff unless I know who what when where why etc. It’s like I’ll never say “oh” I’d just want to keep asking or give up.

Sex is weird though, you have to admit. Anyway, it looks cool. I wouldn’t do it though. Well, maybe one day. I just dunno… People are weird, ya know? They have sex and things. Some of em don’t until they die and I wonder… how did that happen? Or people that don’t masturbate cuz they think it’s a sin. What do they do to suppress all of that? It must take awesome Holy power or something.

I like chicks, especially at my school. Maybe that stuff is biological or social; who knows. I don’t think I’m asexual though. I’m just worried.

A breakthrough? Not really. I just don’t want to regret stuff or get into trouble or hurt someone. Idk it feels icky too sometimes…

Okay Im done. Questions? Comments or concerns? Feel free to ask. The internet allows anonymity on a certain level. Unless I know you, then I’d be like



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