Posted: February 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

This has been one of my favorite songs for such, SUCH a long time. It creates a mood for me, a kinda numb one. A good kind of numb.

sometimes I try to understand the head of a drug abuser or addict. I wonder if they do it to feeling nothing, to feel they are in a greater level (high) or to escape, or all three.

Do I feel numb; is that my goal, to be absent of feeling? The mood this song puts me in is a good one, but nothing comes out of me. If I were to stop writing, then I would listen to this song over and over again while I lay on the bed just spacing out to the outside world. You see, it can be a good feeling to escape emotion. To just zone out.

When I was in the tank a while ago, I went in all these emotions, which wasn’t a good idea. I mean I made sense of a lot of stuff, but looking back it was more of a theme-based experience and it’s best to go in there not knowing what will happen. You go in there numb, zero, it’s beautiful.

I don’t think it’s addictive though. I think the leaving reality is the addictive part with any drug. Sometimes it’s not that we like the drug, but that we DON’T like being without it. But isn’t that the same thing?

Anyway, I’m scared how much I like the idea of being numb or feeling nothing. it sounds sad but wonderful at the same time.

I think it’s okay to feel something, but things can get complicated when we seek to feel something. When I’m sad most of the time I bathe in the emotion, but other times I seek to feel happy and thus a conflict is created. Or this whole wanting to be numb. I’m somewhat numb now, and uhm yeah not because I sought to feel that way; it was the song.

I didn’t feel like listening to the song anymore, so I just ended up listening to “Sweater Song” by Weezer.

Okay so reality is constantly changing right? So do my emotions change every single moment? I’m angry sometimes, but then I feel calm, and maybe later I even feel happy or even jubilant. So is my feeling part of the brain like those codes/ passwords that can never be broken because they’re always changing? And could I ever take a picture of a feeling if it’s always going through a transition?

Anyway, I’m kind of flustered with which classes to take, which is actually a good thing because my school lets you pick out from a wide variety. Part of me wants to finish al of my requirements first before I go ahead and take classes that I’ll choose freely.

I wanna take these classes, but can only take 3 to 4:

Soc 113 (stats)
Soc 173 (Econ and Society)
Soc 157 (Social Stratification)
Soc 128 (Soc. of Emotions)
Soc 133 (Collective Behavior)
Soc 134 (Culture and Personality
Soc 191V (Gender and Inequality in Families)

Non Sociology classes:

Body Language n Nonverbal communication

I have no idea what to take and what not to take. I can go the traditional route and take my math and stratification classes and get it over with, or I can take the interesting classes that fulfill the other upper div soc classes/ upper div normal classes.

I’ll do the fun way. Because those classes will be available anywayz. But if math is open i’ll take it!


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