*cough*

Posted: February 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

I was going to send this to a friend but I changed my mind because I write this type of thing too much.

So in this letter, I want to try and help myself by writing, to make sense of a big issue in my life, and one I think is common in a lot of people. I hope that by the end of this letter, I can learn a big lesson. I hope one day I can talk about this to a stranger for some reason. I don’t know. I just get scared.

I just feel it’s hard to know who we all are sometimes, if the way or point of view I see myself is how other people think of me. The way I treat the people I love, or strangers, is with respect, and a deep caring for them. I don’t want to hurt them when I talk to them or anything. But sometimes I get negative, we all do, and feel resentment, or jealousy for whatever reason. Well, teh point is that a lot of the people I run into, I want them to feel okay, for people to care about them and treat them nicely, genuinely I feel this way.

Why then, do I not feel that way about myself? A lot of times when I go into certain situations, I come into a sense of feeling that I am not wanted in a certain group or groups, that I’m more of a burden. I doubt it’s true, but this thought is still jammed in the core of my mind and shows up in my actions. It’s like my mind is this reel of film, and all the good memories aren’t wound up to much, and the negative aspects of who I am, my weaknesses, my vulnerability is processed in every little film square thingy, taking a little bit of space and throughout the movie you can see a little bit of it everywhere.

And my body is the projector because it takes what I think, how I feel and projects it for other people to see. And these people, they only see what I want to show to them, and a lot of that is how I really feel about myself. A lot of times, I think, people see us how we see ourselves

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