Posted: April 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

I have some serious issues, especially with relatiionships/ friendships. I can’t keep my friends for shirttt. I rarely talk to em after I no longer see them on a regular basis.

I’ve also never had or even attempted to get a girlfriend, out of the fear of rejection, as well as knowing that I am not good enough for them. I have never had a job, I dunno how to drive, or ever had a kiss.

It’s weird. There’s so much info on those 5 sentences than I could ever express otherwise. I don’t know if certain family patterns have contributed from this. I don’t have a job because I don’t think I’m qualified and I honestly don’t know how to even GET one in the first place. I don’t have those social ties. And forget about my siblings helping me work for them.

My parents don’t work at offices or anything, which if thought of detail would hurt me too much. I basically want some kind of perfect life. I don’t mean perfect perfect. Just expected, and stable. Like a good career, a wife I argue with but not too much. I just want a job most of the time, because I think that would make everything better. But honestly, I said that about getting a nice body. I got one for a little while. It didn’t do shit. If anything it made things worse, made me check myself out too much, and what not. I don’t even like exercising and it took me a whole year to realize it.

What else. Well I guess people could either have a “perfect life” and have a partner, job, all kinds of friends, and active lifestyle and still have THE VOID, or have the opposite…

I don’t know if I have a void. So I think I have an incomplete life, which could LEAD to developing a void of some kind.

I have to write in my journal now…

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