We’re all fucking freaks

Posted: September 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

And it’s about time we all admit it and not be so afraid.

On Sunday I realized how we all have problems, that a lot of us feel like others will judge us and think shitty things about us. That not many of us think very highly of ourselves. It DOESN’T matter how rich or poor we are, or how black or white or how Christian or Atheist we are, if we are. We’ve all had days, months, years, or maybe even our whole lifetime experiencing day after day feeling like there’s no hope, or that nobody cares. People that care are out there, though. Sometimes they find a group where people talk about themselves, but the fact that they’re talking in a circle about an issue about their pain means something’s fucking wrong with this picture.

I would ordinarily blame the mass media, TV, or Rupert Murdoch or these wealthy families, but … I mean their lives suck too. Just because they have all the money, power, status they could ever ever want doesn’t mean their lives are perfect. They’re just as fucked up as we are, maybe even more. What’s funny is you kind of always hear about it anyway: they’re divorces, re-marriages, crimes, psychological issues. Of course I’m against what they do and their lifestyle, but like I said we’re all fucking freaks; we all have problems in this everyday world and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

I have issues with my social anxiety and social phobias, with my shoplifting. But we can’t just keep judging each other or be afraid of being judged or like you’re being looked at by the whole world but still feeling ignored.

I used to think there existed a person and or family that had it all, like in Leave it to Beaver. No serious problems like alcoholism, or anorexia, or huge family dysfucntions such as abuse or other kinds of violence. We all grow up seeing beautiful people at school or on TV and think, “Dayum; look at them and how normal and perfect and lucky they are. And look at me; I’m nobody. I can’t live throughout the day without thinking about how fucked up a person I am and how many issues I have. How come I can’tbe more like them? Play on a sports team, smile a lot and have the day go MY way every single fuckin day of the week!”

The reality of the situation is that these people are all putting on a fucking act. THOSE are the people that have some of the biggest issues, and hold them in even more. Because they don’t want people to know like we do. Why? Because they know people like them when they act or look that way and like anyone else why risk losing that? And so we ALL hold things in at some point.

Anyway, knowing people- ALL people- have issues may be a breakthrough. Cuz we all really do have a shit ton of issues. Whether those issues come in the form of humans (parents, bosses, random old people that take forever to get on the bus and make us late for work, or all of the above) or are about money or drugs or sex or not feeling good enough EVERY living moment except when we’re all getting are little fix AKA escape route on.

We have to someday deal with these issues because they most likely won’t go away on their own. If you feed a dog nothing but bacon and delicious ass dog food, is it really going to fuckin run away from you? And so your addiction or your low self-esteem may not run away from you. I wish I would one day wake up from sleeping and just be a confident person with girls or with groups of kids my age. It’s not going to happen that way. I get shakes, I breather weird, don’t make eye contact or trust people. No one problem has a look. On some level every race is discriminated against (yes white people have haters to), and there isn’t a alcoholic looking person on TV.

Some shows have a guy with all these wrinkles and a mullet sitting on the couch looking dazed and with dreary blue eyes, kids hollering and him beating on them. But I shit you not, how many people do you see in a big city everyday? I tell you I guarantee you I shared a bus ride with a drug or alcohol addict or even a child or parent of one- without a doubt. No one looks like they do anything in reality. The TV and our selective perception automatically associate sthings that are barely true on average: the guy with the suit and cool haircut is having an affair; the old lady must have issues with arthritis, that black guy is going to scare you at night and take your money away- it’s all lies. I have past by so many shy successful white guys that can’t even get laid; so many “old” ladies who can run a marathons or dance; and CERTAINLY a lot of black people who passed me by and did nothing to me except say hi.

These images are bullshit ideas that make it harder to realize that WE’RE ALL FREAKS.

And for once instead of envying the blonde woman at the supermarket or the great looking guy that gets girls, we need to see the imperfections the flaws in people.

The hottest, soberest, perkiest-titted blonde woman getting her nails did may have an eating disorder, have a close friend or relative with cancer, or even be an alcoholic. You never know these days. Our clothes can be shields sometimes. I know mines are…

My clothes tells people I’m normal and that i don’t stand out; I don’t want people’s attention because I think they’re going to make a spectacle out of me; this makes me avoid a shit ton of social situations that aren’t exactly mandatory for my Sociology degree or life. My lifestyle is dedicated to just waiting for the day to end to watch the next one do the same these days. But I am learning to make it an effort to realize where my problems COME FROM. Sometimes it’s okay to not be ‘in the moment’ because reflection means pushing the rewind button, and there’s absolutley nothing wrong about rewinding a video when you didn’t hear something before that may have contributed to the overall important ass part of the plot.

Anyway, I hope I have courage to make new friends this coming school year. I really do. I REALLY need to work on my anxiety. I’ll be okay for now.

Until next time reader. And remember: We’re all fucking freaks.

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