Oh where Oh where

Posted: October 10, 2012 in Uncategorized

has my little soul gone; o where, o where could it be??

 

 

Dear Friend,

 

I learned a lot today in just a short few lines, from the letter written to me by my sister. I learned how this depending on others to make me feel better just isn’t going to work out after all. I know it sucks, but it’s the truth.

 

Long ago, I was at a meeting. After this meeting, one woman told me: “John, no one is going to love you, so you have to love yourself.” This was one of the most powerful statements I have ever heard in my whole life. It’s so true, even though it sounds so wrong.

 

Everyday is a struggle for everybody; I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit for moving on. Today, I don’t really have a soul. I stopped desiring the things I once did, maybe just for today. And I feel hollow. Not so much anxious though. I feel like a vacuum.

 

I’m going to SLAA today, maybe that will help, but I never know how much to tell them. We all go there to talk more than to listen, and maybe that is okay. I just don’t know how to bond with people there since it is only once a week for one and a half hours.

 

Sorry if my whole life feels an empty sob story with nothing magical about it. Yes good and bad things happen to me. This world is kind of ugly, a place where you are taught to want things that are no good for you, and to walk away from the things that might be.

 

My goals are to find a steady job for about a year before I start applying for graduate school. More than anything I would like to be a teacher. Try to talk to people about meaningful stuff hoping that someone will listen and change their lives for the better, even if it meant letting go of one stupid person or not doing drugs or believing in themselves more.

 

I just want to be a good role model. Because I don’t think I have ever had one, except for my mom, who has tried as hard as she could in the type of condition we were in.

 

I feel like this is all very personal, but I don’t really care so much. The time is coming where we must move forward on our own or become left behind.

 

Thanks for listening,

 

John

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