I gotta tell you I could have written this in a few other places, but I have to decided to just write all of it on my blog.
Work is a bitch. When you have work, you shouldn’t want to die everyday and fear people. I just really hate it. It might be worst than middle school. The company isn’t bad. It’s a good company and good coffee. So don’t think I’m trying to badmouth it. It’s just these few people that have to ruin everything for me and make me feel like an armadillo. I’m not even going to explain what that means. My manager is great, though so don’t think I don’t like him. He’s awesome.
I’m not sure what it is. I just wanna teach and learn all about people and I miss it so much. This stuff takes your very essence away. I work such little hours and it still feels like a long time. And I get paired up with this one lady, the kind of lady who you aren’t ever sure how old they really are. She’s a … she’s my least favorite one. One of my other co-workers said that she means well but you can’t just be an asshole and expect me to accept your disrespect and lack of empathy as “a part of who you are.” I just ignore most of the time now LOL.
I started reading this book called Until I Find You. I miss school. Maybe I can go back again? I doubt it. I wish I could; maybe next year. Anyway, the book is going well I just have to be consistent about reading it.
I don’t know if life is tough right now to be honest. No one’s really abusing me. yes I am starving most days but I tell you when I am on my way from or to work I feel so miserable I just go straight to my computer or watch TV or sleep or now reading or just passing out. I am not doing so many things I used to and I miss it dearly.
One co-worker, such a special person, helps me keep going and her name is Denise. She writes little notes for me telling me how helpful and nice I am and how hard I am trying. She is a mom and wife and she’s so great. If I get her for Secret Santa… that would be great. I am going to write my Shift Supervisors letters for Christmas- special ones from deep inside my soul. Especially to my manager- he saved me. He really allowed me to find something to do and feel somewhat proud of. He gave me a really special gift- my first actual job. Someone like me needed something liek that and he delivered it to me. And I thank him everyday (not out loud).
I get partner beverages which are pretty awesome. I don’t like coffee too much though (at all to be honest). I don’t even like Lattes. When I started working I fell in love with Iced Americanos, but now I just get hot chocolate or regular tea lattes. Coffee reminds me of people who want their coffee or talk liek assholes to me about some coffee someone made. Damn one of my leaders can just go eat a marble floor ass bitch or something; ugh.
I ran into one of my friends from high school last night after buying my book. I hadn’t seem her in a while and I learned a lot of people my age just don’t have time or an environments where they can just hang out with people they get along with. That’s been me so many times. In school I would just make friends with all my teachers or … only other nerds or people that wanted to do study groups. I miss that shit so bad. I miss my Soc 102 study bless her little heart. I miss not giving a fuck about my classes and still getting A’s. I’m going to tell you something crazy: I almost miss homework.
And so I’ve enetered some kind of new life since late October. I don’t really like it to be honest, I rather have some eternal kind of paid vacation. I don’t get much quality sleep either. But my life is going well besides all of thsi nonsense.
I like the world and people, and I’m trying to accept some of them but I tell you it is so hard. I don’t dislike people based on things like skin color or gender or height, just personality and manners. I just don’t like dealing with impatient, ungrateful people who feel they are on top of the world. I mean we all do to a certain extent, but it’s important we all try to at least respect one another. If I feel you not only disrespect me but others as well I probably won’t ever become your friend. I don’t even care of you’re shy or quiet you be who you are. I just don’t like it when you just want to tell people what’s wrong with them as if it’s fact and aren’t even trying to listen or understand.
That’s all I think. Sorry if it feels like a long rant. I’m still a nice person to people don’t get me wrong. I don’t really do this emotional labor much or pretend to be nice (I did when I was nervous and tired my first week) but I’m just genuinely willing to help these people (for now). So sorry if this sounded like it came from anger. I’m just really tired of a lot of things and tired in general. We all make mistakes.