So, I don’t write too often in here, because I either write it all down in my journal or internalize eevrything because I have a hard time “opening up” about things large and small. But lately I have been feeling lame because of my new store. It’s always fun teh first week, when no one really knows each other and everyones scared and making a positive first impression and it is easy. But now, I know which people are which, and unfortunately one of my shifts and my boss SUCK ASS, and I don’t like working with them. I don’t want to say they RUINED MY LIFE, but they are making it really lame and make me feel powerless or inferior. They both are sort of the same, very rude, and aggressive, all in the name of defending their own dark and disturbed sense of honor. Perhaps a sense of shame from the earlier part of their lives, interacting with mine, perhaps all parties masking their realities with a skewed sense of power and control.
Administratively speaking, they are good at what they do, but it is a sharp imbalance: when they work with actual human beings, it seems as though their darker more scornful side comes out. I don’t think they know how to MOTIVATE people with anything besides FEAR. That says a lot about how THEY may have been motivated their whole lives. When your leaders motivate through intimidation, they lose their follower’s respect, and gain their souls. It is a sharp option, but it is not the only option. God does not motivate with fear, but he does so with love, and joy, reaching a goal, looking back and feeling happy. The way people try to have others believe is by scaring them to death with a lake of fire. But really, getting someone to beileve in what you believe in is hit or miss, and that is where I am now. I don’t like my job, but I asked to work at this new store, am going to be a COFFEE MASTER. I don’t want to hurt my boss’s boss feelings, but I want to get a car, and get the fuck out of here, mayeb drive all the way to the South, or Portland where it’s quiet and where people aren’t such JACKASSES, void of respect, and empathy.
Smell ya later, I have to go do my taxes with someone.