Archive for May, 2018

3 Day Weekend

Posted: May 26, 2018 in Uncategorized



We’ve a three day weekend. I first thought I had to re-evaluate this job, but really I have to re-evaluate my relationship with God. I’ve been in the wrong. I want out, but out of what? I don’t know man. Things are both complicated and uncertain, at the end of the day.


I have been having a hard time getting erections. I think it’s from hyperfrequent use of technology. Yesterday I bought a smartphone at the drugstore for 33 dollars. It’s helped, but in some ways it makes me stay home even more.


I don’t know how to go into this three day weekend. I want to write a lot. I’ll miss listening to music. Technology makes it so your head dances around between different pages. I admit, I am addicted to it, even though I don’t use social media. (is this social media?)

My paragraphs are a lot shorter than before. I believe we’ve all done a good job at short circuiting our brains. What does that even mean? I mean, well, it used to be the case where I could go on thinking and writing about certain things for hours at a time, or a bit less. Now it feels like my mind sort of wanders and jumps to other things, and it’s shown in my writing… or lack thereof. We quickly switch to something else, something else, something else. I need to focus more, especially on my ‘goal’ and just choose something.

I did my retirement thing. Next up who knows what. But first what do I do this weekend?


  • Hang out with friend
  • Write in my journal a lot
  • Read American Gods by Neil Gaiman
  • Write in my blog more
  • Take the train more
  • Take long bus rides
  • Go to MOCA
  • SMPL Saturday Morning
  • Jerk off without porn at least once a day

I’m sort of excited about getting paid more. With the money I get, outside of taxes, I am going to just keep saving and then. Well to be honest most of my money just goes to savings and rent, bills. The extra cash usually goes to a book. 30 dollars went to a new phone, which I didn’t need but I think in the long run was a good investment decision. This has all been very tough to be honest. I have been investing time so that I can save time. I was going to go on the bus… it’s already 8:30pm… going on 8:34. I notice my mind likes to wander, that and when you push a button by accident it makes you type into a search bar, which leads to random results popping up. I also have this… feeling that music apps make your songs sound scratched so it can interrupt your flow and… for a writer well that’s of course no good.

I don’t know what to do tonight, but I know I will need lots of water. What I can do really late is like, walk to McDonalds and then just go for a longer walk in general down Lincoln or Main Street. I can’t walk that far honestly.  Also, the reason I am writing a lot now is because well it’s Friday night and this is a three day weekend. I want to just do stuff do stuff do stuff. This is a good roadmap for me this weekend.


How I might spend this weekend

  • Spotify
  • Random Youtube videos
  • Seeing which ETF I should replace IUSV with (even though after so much researching coming back again and again and again to IUSV as the superior choice, with a net expense ratio of .05 percent!
  • Napping
  • Netflix (not even my account)
  • Refreshing my email page constantly.
  • Some shitty attempt at a watercolor painting
  • Eating shit food for cheap
  • Generally just farting around on the internet because I have no friends and no life
  • Watching porn but I doubt it because it doesn’t do anything anymore… sigh

That’s pretty much it. The modern human, to be honest, has because a sad piece of shit, like a fish out of water. I intend on… in a way, reversing all of this.


I need to exercise more… and more and more and more.


Posted: May 23, 2018 in Uncategorized


I finished my goal of the year.


I have no idea what to do with my life. I have no idea what to do with my life. This year marks the 10 year anniversary of when I started this blog. That’s like a decade- a significant chunk of my life.


I started this blog when I was 18 years old. I was in an odd place then. Not a dark place, but an odd place. 2007 was difficult, and so was 2008. I felt severely depressed.


I haven’t felt that way in a while. I try to set goals to help me move forward in my life. I make it a point to take my time and do one thing at a time. I have finished my one year goal back in April; I am ready to take on the next one actually. But what will I do? Lose weight? I scheduled a trip for Greece. I am saving for that, and also I am saving up so that I can move out of my mom and my sister’s place. It’s time to go and discover a like, different world. I don’t hate these people, not in the least. I want to begin my own journey and whatever else have you. I am okay with being broke again, like I was in Nashville, so long as this time I have my 6 month emergency fund, and my 10 grand in retirement savings. So, I should save up enough to like, move in, and then… do it. It’s hard. I have random worries. I feel maybe I have been using/ abusing this overtime system, and that they will fire me. Jeff, the bastard. That’s not even his name. His name is Steven. Now I am thinking about work. People set me off. I don’t mean that. I meant, when I think about work, I think about someone’s face and the spiral begins, the lunacy stomps its hooves and then there’s no turning back.


I guess I feel lost, and save way too much money. Not that that is bad, but it comes at a hefty price I no longer wish to afford. I don’t think it’s billions we want. We want freedom. We want to some days do extravagant things, and on a whim. But that kind of money takes a lot of work. But I suppose one can have legitimate fun on a budget.


Let’s see… but see I can’t go to bars. I have no idea what people even do these days. Do they like, honestly do stuff like go to stores and go shopping for stuff? Do they actually go to bars and hang out with others? This next generation- even though I’m considered a dead center millennial, I don’t feel like one. I feel like the one after that, who is like devoid of authentic human relationships or whatever. Gosh I am so glad I’m typing it’s way faster than my journal which is I suppose a decent change.


I don’t know what to do; this is what you get when you have a budget and when you had a dad was a cheapskate. I have no idea what to do.


If you had a daily budget of 1,000 for a month, assuming your bills were paid, and you could not save anything or purchase anything associated with an appreciating asset, what would you purchase? Symbols of status? God no, then I’d have to back it up with… actually going outside.

Well here’s the thing. I am like a total loner. Even if I could afford flashy, trending clothing (I know not what this even means), I still really wouldn’t hang out with people. What I have really wanted to do was attend my High School Reunion because it’s 2018 and I graduated back in 2008. That would be fun, you know, to reconnect with others. Some have had children, or married. And I’m not really jealous- honest. I miss them a lot, and I don’t have a Facebook account because it is literally retarding society. You’re not motivated to look inside you with it, to change nor to move forward in life.  But gosh, this sounds weird but I miss people I couldn’t stand. I’m not the type of person to say it, let alone mean it. But I do. I miss them. I miss Jessica Soto, who was popular but I never had a crush on her. I just remember her being popular and I guess she’s the symbol of the class of 2008 for me. I lost Jessi Bustos’s phone number. He knows people from high school- a lot of them. I wish we could all hang out together again. I mean I was a loner then, but I feel like we’d all get along. I dunno it’s just a feeling I have.


Looking back, high school was a devastatingly sad and even horrifying experience for me. But there’s just something I miss. The world seemed a bit sunnier then, more gratifying than it was now. It had its own feel I guess. Damn, I feel bummed out.


I’m turning 28 in a couple of months. What does that even mean? I have no idea I have no idea what I am doing with my fucking life man, and I feel like I’m too old for that, but I heard 28 is a difficult age to be. But like, okay when I am 40 I’ll probably want to be 28 because it was young and I’d want to go back and do things differently. In that case I would exercise more and do things I actually want to do, like study for those FINRA exams. I would actually do really well if I did those now too, from the Investopedia daily vocab builders they got.

Who knows man. This world feels dense, compact, but terribly diluted. There’s just so much I want to change, but it feels like there is so little I have control over. Maybe that’s what life is all about… focusing only on the things we can control


Like this messy ass room.


  • Move Out ($)
  • Get in Shape (X)
  • Take my GRE finally (EDU)
  • Take the Series 6/63/66 License Exams (EDU)
  • Buy a white truck ($)
  • Start a small business (%)
  • Start a YouTube channel (CREATE, $)
  • Move to Chattanooga, TN and settle down there, buy a home, all cash ($)

That’s all I can think of. Granted, I’d love to at some point of my life marry and have a child(ren). Who knows, maybe even find God.

I feel like selling drugs, prostitution and debt will help me achieve these goals- well, except the last one, the God one.

One goal at a time.

Money goal?

Educational goal?

Physical Goal?

This, I suppose, is a better way of looking at things. If I won the lottery, then I could do all of this. I could buy, like, a super expensive camera, with buttloads of editing software and start a YouTube channel. What else? I’d buy 100 shares of Boeing, but that is a different story for a different post, for a different day. Anyway, I wouldn’t get a personal trainer- I honestly would just buy a huge house in Chattanooga and run around naked on some big ass yard until I was fit.


You see, not all goals can be accomplished with money. With my GRE, you still have to actually take your GRE. I’d get my investment licenses though. I just… I need to do my research so I could obtain them. I could have done all of this last year, but honestly I totally burned out. It was good that I burned out though, believe it or not. I gave up insurance around March or April last year THANK GOD I LEFT. I wasted probably 1000 going there, who knows HOW many hours of that training. It’s fine though.


I hope everything works out man. I am really hoping.


Thanks for the read. You are real.