Hello. (15th Anniversary Post, Part 1 of 2)

Hi. My name is John. About a month from this time, I will have had this blog for 15 years. That is a long time to have a blog! So much has happened- understandably so- in the past 15 years. I remember around the time I started this blog I had met this girl I really liked- well, her name was Kelly. She didn’t like me back, but anyway she and a therapist I had at the time (for my social anxiety which I’d say was at its peak from 2007-2008) urged me, or recommended me to journal. I suppose it was a nefarious moment of serendipity, but either way, if they had not both recommended me to start journaling, I don’t think I would have started a blog to begin with. So here I am, and here we are.

The past 15 years have been, to say the least, interesting not just for me but from a historical perspective. In December of 2008, technically George W. Bush was still President of the United States. Barack Obama would succeed him, beginning in January of 2009. I would go on to have a remarkable year that year, as well as 2010- the year I moved into dorms and began university post community college. 2010 was also the year I started my journey as a sperm donor! I still am involved as a donor in ways more than one, and I look forward to meeting other kids when they grow up, if they would ever like to reach out.

Granted, I don’t know if I could write an exhausting list of the last 15 years, but either way I feel like so much has happened, namely with the advent and rapid growth of social media (formerly referred to as social networking sites) to say nothing of let’s see:

-2008 -2013 -2018 -2023

-2009 -2014 -2019

-2010 -2015 -2020

-2011 -2016 -2021

-2012 -2017 -2022

It’s been an interesting 15 years. I do recall moving to Nashville in 2015. That was also an incredible experience, as was working at YouTubeSpace LA from 2017 to 2021.

When you look at the years in number form, you don’t really see other people’s experiences and lifestyles and aren’t therefore encouraged to engage in the deleterious practice of self-comparison, which no doubts lessen the fortitude of any man, woman in child in the modern age. It was bad enough in the ancient world beginning in the settlement arena- the world where people’s clothes reflected their status in a hierarchical, agrarian society.

Anyway, I remember 2019- the year I went to Greece. I can recall 2021 and 2022- possibly the most challenging years of my life as far as battling and challenging everything internalized at that point. Those were heavy years for me, full of change I was DEFINITELY not equipped to handle. Seeing photos of one of my offspring- somewhat accidentally- marked a profound turning point in my life, and effectively set in motion perhaps an entirely different way of looking at life and my place in it.

Jumping back and forth, I guess, in time. Oddly enough, 2012 to 2015 felt like such a blur to me- those were my early 20s. It feels like 2012 was probably the darkest year of my life- essentially, I was thwarted of my plans to continue on to graduate school- since I was not eligible for additional financial aid in my final quarter at UCLA (unbeknownst to me). Luckily, I had finished all of my units so graduation wasn’t an issue- but I proceeded to undertake the form of a lifeless, medium gray blob of nothing for the remainder of that year, who spent his time perusing on the internet, stuck in the much of the Yu-Gi-Oh! scene, and trying to get a bearing on my feelings of depression, self-worth, and purpose. Wow that was a lot. As uneventful as that year was- 2012- it was nevertheless very dense, foggy, and heavy like low storm clouds, and high storm clouds. At the end of that year I would begin my very first job, as a barista at Starbucks from 2012 onto 2017, where I would be rehired and employed through much of the pandemic.

2013 I suppose, wait. I don’t really remember 2013 and 2014.

(1-855-512-8178 communicar con ellos- ignore this)

Let me actually take a look at my older posts. I know I was at a few Starbucks in those years. I was at Westwood and Olympic from the winter of 2013 to the summer of 2014, to anticipate the opening of a store on Venice and Centinela (which I did not enjoy at all). That was when I decided to move to Nashville. Nevertheless, I do remember a brief vignette, so to speak- where I was hellbent on permanently moving to Germany (this was in 2013), but soon realized that maybe that wasn’t the best idea. I also got into charisma and read a book on it and would purchase somewhat of a wardrobe to cater to that.

2014. 2014. Why don’t I remember you all that much? I remember, I must have been in the Century City Twin Towers. I also remember still being firmly rooted in the Yu-Gi-Oh! scene- I had purchased a Burning Abyss deck that I went on to sell to fund my flight to Nashville. I must’ve just been in the thick of Yu-Gi-Oh! and so maybe that’s why I have a hard time remembering. In 2013 I do remember going to bar tending school- it didn’t work out (a blessing in disguise, really).

I have been reading a couple of blog posts from early 2013 and boy are they troublesome. I figure I was adjusting to a world post graduation- working with strangers I shared not the same value with, although it seems like even then I enjoyed working at the coffee shop. I can’t do it now- the pay is terrible for all the work you have to do and although being a barista should be a noble calling, it is seen as more or less thankless, dead-end job with basically no room for advancement beyond the annual 2% cost of living adjustment raises.

I wanted to end Part 1 with a brief excerpt from a post from March of 2013:

I kind of miss being in a room where everyone there wanted to be there and that was why they were all there, the classroom. I didn’t feel much pressure there and felt I could be a genuine person and safe and void of too much mistake-making. When you’r ein school they speak of the real world, but it isn’t so real because it’s very much a series of transactions and attempts to get other people to like you and I don’t know if it’s worth it. I like classrooms because it feels you are closed off and it all feels special.

Chilling. To be continued…