If I…

could be any animal, it’d be a silverback gorilla. I’d fucking go all out scaring the shit out of everyone before they shoot me. What if a gorilla just scared people and didn’t hurt them? Could you still shoot em?

Have you ever used anyone? If you have, did you know you were using them? I feel numb but in a tired way. And I feel like drownxploding again. Why? Because I’m bored and I love people. That’s why. Have you ever hated people? I confuse hating people with feeling bad for them. I hate when they have to be somebody else, mean. But it’s not their fault. It’s just that no one listens to em so they end up behaving differently, which just annoys people. So it’s like we have no choice but to be ignored. My life is just one big IGNORING, or feels like it anyway. The me I show everyone is weird and always wants to talk to people or wants to get to know people. He’s just wasting his time. No one likes him because of me. It’s my fault and he’s the one who has to suffer. He’s the one who really does care about people, but I get reminded about the past, and he has to deal with it. And he can’t. Because other people can’t deal with how they really are either. And sometimes they take it out on him, but not directly.

I guess I get annoyed by when people are annoying to themselves, but not at me. No one’s really mean to me, but that’s because they’re not being rude about it, at least THEY don’t think so. But you dion’t have to say mean shit directly to people to come off as rude. Your body language and your actions say a lot, or when you don’t show up for someone else; life can be a drag.

Like I’ve always said, I have a stupid heart. I think using the past as my main model. Everything that I’ll ever look forward to will dissappear before I can even enjoy it. That’s how shit’s always been. I am my own worst enemy.